tt's me- Cw2!

2010-04-27T13:45:00.002+08:00

it's holidays now.
i've been holiday-ing for 1 week now.
WHOOHOO.
feels so great not to be mugging at my table everyday.
BUT.
i've got nothing much to do now either.
sian-ness.
i must now waste my holidays away.
4months!

should have sign up for OCIP man.
hvnt cleared any of my 80 hours.
how pathetic.
GRRR.
results aren't out yet.
component grades for Biz Law and MC are out though.
i'm SUPER DUPER grateful for my biz law final exam grade because i was damn uncertain even though i knew whichever way i argue will be right as long as the reasons are good.
but the paper was damn loooonng and confusing.
no exam for MC.
got a bad class part grade.
damn it.
B-.
i tot he would at least give a B.
rahhh.
so even my A+ for indiv speech cannot save it.
i hope the bell curve saves me.
still praying for LTB because final presentation was cui.
seriously hope our portfolio and my indiv learning journal would pull my grades up...
AS final exam was kind of tricky.
more difficult than our mid term :((
so im praying for it too.
but i'll probably pray for MA most.
it was a long paper.
with super long questions.
with super lot of information that we dun even need sometimes -.-"
compared to past year papers i felt it was more difficult.
less MCQs.
more lonnnggg questions.
yucks.
and MA no bell curve izzit?!
damn.
hope our project's not too bad.

alrights.
im hving sore throat now.
damn it.
so irritating.

2010-03-19T13:25:00.000+08:00

bad boyfriend! >.< HUMPHHHH.

2010-01-29T21:06:00.003+08:00

school's started for about a month alrd.
it sucks.
getting suckier every week.
with project meetings.
with presentations.
with tests.
there was MA test ytd n damn, it was kind of bad but i think some found it pretty simple?
SIGH.
LTB's getting demandind with stuff to get done almost EVERY week.
my monday nights are kind of devoted to ltb meetings n it sucks bcoz i want to watch my tveee!
>.<>.<
biz law kind of sucks as well i hv no idea wads gg on...
(yes i wish i had FA:(( )
so i guess AS is the best?
kind of interesting actually.
n im trying to like MA...
zzz.

so these days i've just been RUSHING.
lol, seriously.
at times i hv to rush to sch n wish for the bus/ train to appear immediately.
but EVERY single day i rush hme from sch.
yes.
mon nites i rush hme from my ltb project meeting.
tues evening i rush hme too (biz law usually ends a little early).
wed evenings i walk hme hme hougang mrt (coz i was RUSHing hme n i had a feeling tt i missed the bus).
thurs evenings i rush hme too (MC ends pretty early sometimes!)
super glad!
i reached hme at 7.05pm ytd! the class was supposed to end at 6.45 XD
WAHAHA.
yay! i love early dismissals!

enough about sch.
i wanna watch tooth fairy with u.
and speaking bout u,
few months later i'll be the one hating "lights out".
=((
pleasedunsignon.blogspot.com
but hopefully we'll pull thru it.
loves!

2009-12-31T22:39:00.002+08:00

it's NEW YEAR'S EVE alrd.
awww...
2010 is almost here, which means sch starts very soon.
why are holidays always so short...
anw results werent fantastic.
but acceptable lahhh.
though FA was pretty disappointing...
stats... i deserved it. all my group mates got A i think! except me...
shldnt hv slacked for closed book quiz n mid terms. RAHHH!!!
BGS... i was just this close but aiya. OK lah...
TWC was quite a miracle, LOL, considering tt i NEVER paid attention during lessons. grateful!

i've been gg out alot this week...
mon- tuition, lunch+walkwalk
tues- science centre+human worlds
wed- singing (oh man, it was horrible i think! thanks sb & ty for putting up wif my SO awful singing)
today- tuition, lunch+walk, slacking...
alrights nothing to do alrd. no countdown party (unlike xmas eve, & i miss xavier boy alrd hoho).

there's gatherings on sat & sun.
for once, im PRETTY 'enthu' about sat's outing though it's wif my JC class (whom i hardly talk to/ hang out wif), LOL. probably bcoz it's at SENTOSA. hahaha... so serene, do we go? XD

oh well.
for 2010... i must...
1) work really harder for my mods, esp ACCT mods...
2) smile smile smile =D be happy
3) LOVE you :))
4) make better use of my 24hours a day (coz i feel like i slp more in uni [9hours] than in jc[7hours], hahaha)
5) not get sick
6) really look forward to 19 april!!! (tts whn my last paper ends! XD)

2009 has been a great yr, mostly bcoz of the 8month break i had after alevels...
tuition has taught me some new stuff...
made me learn how to deal wif those naughty little kids,
but they're cute at times :)
eh uni life is pretty different but it's interesting at times lah.
but whn projects come... revision is not even possible =/
n i learnt tt sometimes efforts really pay off, but at other times, they may not...
so... ALL THE BEST =D

HAPPY 2010!

2009-12-10T22:16:00.002+08:00

well exams are over alrd.
last paper was like a week ago?
and i think results are officially out tml though i hv a rough idea wad my grades r going to be.
i hv my component grades for BGS, TWC and FA and part of stats'.
rmb i mentioned tt FA has the most hope?
wel, i was wrong.
damn.
:((
the project result was disappointing.
but i shld be glad i managed to get a decent grade for class activities with just a 2 min presentation and no class part?
lol.
prof was probably being generous to us...
RAHH.
thinking about results is scary.
so i'll just end the topic here with...
with my fingers crossed, im waiting :)
sigh, sadly i dun think i hv any As...

holidays finally.
i've just been gg out, a lot. today's the first day i stayed hme.
HAHA.
window shopping.
new moon.
tuition/tiong barhu.
breakfast/sophie.
wild wild wet.
northpoint.
tuition/orchard.
window shopping in town.
that was my hol so far... =/
i dun hv much to do at hme...
im re-reading my storybooks.
boo! i dun wan hols to end!

if you leave me, i would just be like an empty shell.

it would be like how edward left bella.

but the pain would be a thousand times worse,

for i have no jacob to fall back on.

and it's you i ever would need...

2009-11-26T22:58:00.002+08:00

BOO!
2 papers down, 2 more to go.
FA was like usual... hopefully there werent stupid mistakes...
section B was difficult (when was it never?).
but i hope i'll do reasonable.
sigh, it's the mod that i put in most effort in...
other mods would be worse i guess.
since im just doing last min work =/
so FA, do me proud! lol.
and stats, i'll really work on u, you are my nxt hope!
bgs was rahh!!!
damn stupid.
twc...
DUN HV TO SAY ANYTHING.
i dunno where to even start -.-

alrights.
update again aft my last paper next wed.
jiayoujiayou!

2009-11-01T20:43:00.002+08:00

"No mountain nor sea, nothing of this world, can keep us apart.

Cause this is not my world; you are..."

school ends in 2 weeks!
it seems fast.
there's final exams after that.
sian...
my stats suck.
damn >.<
n it's been super long since i blogged.
super busy with all the projects n stuff...
sigh.
i feel like i dun even hv time to do my own work!
but it's a little better now.
taking a break from tuition...
no more presentations for this sem...
no more tests... (only final exams)
there's still 3 more projects...
but it's better le lah :)

tml's bidding!
so fast.
bid for next sem alrd...
think i'll be taking
1) LTB
2) B.Law
3) AS or CT
4) management comm? (not too sure)
5) one more which i hvnt decided.
super thankful i dun hv AW bcoz i think it sucks. lol.

i guess 4.5CU would be enough bah?
im alrd dying with 4 this sem...
nxt yr will hv less tuitions though.
but LTB is super busy one.
RAHHH...
good luck for the last 2 weeks of lessons!
whee~

2009-07-18T12:08:00.004+08:00

PICTURES!
these r just some, the rest r on facebook :)

at SENTOSA!
mian, kian, xavier, me, ting

daredevils (except vinc)+ mr daredevil
vinc was the one helping us take the pic =p

the not so enthu ppl who stil gt HIGH in the end.
hahahas.
vinc, shawn, elane, me, ting

daredevils on the road!
it was very funny bcoz we had to run whn the cars come. lol.

last group photo for the camp!

everyone show ur FISH! hehe.
spot ur own hand.

ting, me, elane :))

during one of the games..
had to squeeze in the box on the table.

this was before more ppl got onto the table..

DAREDEVIL girls =D

DAREDEVIL girls wif our FACI =))

daredevils see no evil

say cheese!!!

yucky marshmellow!

at the tau huay place...
vinc was the photographer again!

at the wonton mee place..
elane n me!

at the ice cream place!!!

2009-07-17T21:55:00.002+08:00

supposed to blog bout ASOC camp but i didnt coz too busy =p
busy slacking.
hahas. double tuition on wed.
ytd had to cancel tuition coz one of my grp members gt H1N1.
so we hv to be socially responsible?
hahas, but it's a bit contradicting coz my group stil met for lunch today!!!
HAHA.
but we're fine lah!
they even went ice skating aft tt!
but i had tuition so i didnt join them...
sad lor!
this brings me to the second contradiction.
i went for tuition today.
hahas.
BUT is bcoz im fine n wed alrd had the lesson le!!!
so exposed alrd mahh...
okay lahh.
mayb i shldnt hv.
den i could hv ice skated wif the rest of them.
sighh.
was quite sad whn i had to leave.
but cute jasper made me happy n i was ok aft the lesson alrd!
hee.
he kept asking me to say THANK YOU JASPER DI DI!
hahahas! so cute!
n he stil insisted on giving me his monster toy =p

okay, about camp.
day 1:
super dreading camp.
thankfully i had SB to go camp wif.
but we different group...
so...
i was still alone in the end.
first person who talked to me: my faci LIM MIAN! =)
i tot she also freshman, lol.
first person i talked to: CHARLENE!
coz she sitting in front of me den she also nothing to do like me so i just said hi to her.
tee hee!
my group's one of the HEROS,
we're DAREDEVIL!
aft a bit of briefing, just put down our stuff in the resource room n went to the library there to do some self intro n get to know one another.
a bit awkward at first but by the time we went for lunch we were nt so bad le =))
lunch was wanton mee + ice cream + tao huay.
aft lunch was station games.
screwed up badly at the marshmellow one.
YAY at the dart one.
spin spun spun at the flour one.
run ran run at the chicken papaya one.
throw hard hard at the balls one.
lol. i think there are 10 station games but i dun rmb the rest!
oh man.
but anw i think aft tt was shower time.
hahas.
we went to the SMU hostel to bathe.
it was nt bad!
got heater n v clean somemore.
just tt had to wait...
aft tt was dinner n den RANDOMANIA!
hahas. it's like station games also.
PLUS hv to do super random things.
hahahas.
the finale for randomania was stringing our shoe laces up n den catching balls from second floor.
hahas.
i managed to get a few of other ppl's de!
slept at 1plus to 2 coz the other grop still playing cards den i couldnt slp!!!
but slept damn badly.
kept waking up lor...

day 2:
woke up at 7plus.
b.fast at 8.
reached SENTOSA at around 9plus?
played station games at sentosa.
WHEE!
it was super fun coz some r water games den can get wet!
it wasnt very hot tt day.
some games were like captain's ball in the sea.
wash hair wif soap to collect foam.
spiderman wonderwoman hulk n see who reach the sea first.
frisbee.
caterpillar thingy wif balloons.
dog n bone like game wif water bombs.
volleyball wif water bombs.
some traffic light game which we had FORFEIT.
had to give zhen xin a honey facial hahaha.
n lim mian licked his face aft tt!!! XD
okay, tt's all i rmb bout the games.
aft tt was lunch.
a bit of stage games.
den mass games after tt.
there were 3.
all muz guy girl pair.
so first was wif vincent.
hahahas.
think to the rest i looked like a doll whn he just picked me up wif one arm.
second nt really guy girl pair but muz build human pyramid in the sea.
so we were successful for like half a second n we all collapsed.
HAHAS.
last was wif zhen xin.
i got piggybacked n just had to attack other group's girls wif water bomb to wet them.
hahas.
aft tt shower time.
thankfuly my grp went fastest den no nid wait.
hehe!
aft tt we sat wif the guys at the rocks n had some HTH talk..
=/
den we had buffet for dinner.
n the finale.
faci-s performed for us.
entertaining =))
had some stage games too.
xavier n charlene super got mo qi!
okay, tt nite nv really slp.

WE WERE SUPER HIGH.
went for supper wif a slping bag.
dun aks me y.
it was super random.
den we took pics.
gt back to sch n started whooing ppl!
HAHAHAs.
super funny at the beginning.
"Hv u even been wooed?"
we played games, drunk as forfeits.
hahas. but the girls just took super small sips!
vincent was drunk!
amazing!
had more HTH talk but it was called trafic light game.
hahaha.
slept at 5am.
YAY!
woke up at 8plus.

bfast, super short DEBRIEF, watched video, n bid gdbye!
lol.
no lah, got write note for each other.
hahas.
n i find this quite gd.
=)
at least got some memories!
but the rest of my group went for lunch tgt but i couldnt join them coz i had tt talk!!
RAHHH!!!

the talk was super boring compared to camp man.
can just stone there.
n i knew NO ONE in tt talk.
rahhh...
how sian.
but i managed to survive.
okay, pics tml den. nites!
love ASOC camp! hehe!
LOVE DAREDEVILS!!!! =DDD

2009-07-14T21:56:00.002+08:00

YAY!
camp was real fun!!!
HEHE!
but im quite tired today so i'll blog bout it again tml.

so i'll just say

I LOVE DAREDEVIL

for today =)

whee!!!!

and DAREDEVIL consists

kian yong and lim mian (our dear facis),

ting yu, elane, me, charlene, gwen, xavier, zhi wei, vincent, zhan seng and shawn!

stil waiting for photos..

hahas.

hope none of them r unglam =.="

2009-07-09T12:47:00.002+08:00

camp is coming.
on sunday.
it's 3 days 2 nights.
im super sian about it.
=.="
nt gg for the pre-camp dinner.
n i dun think i noe anyone in my group.
urgh.
im so sian about sch n everything bout it.
i rather tutor the naughty kids 100 times than start sch.
=(
whether i hv frens gg smu acct matters no more.
im stil standing alone now......
i stil hv to make other frens.
brrrrr.
super sian.
i hope i'll live thru the camp.
it's actually just 2 n a half days.
n i think can bring hp :)
thankfully.
bah.
kids are cute whn they're not naughty >.<
okay.
i noe aft the camp i'll b saying tt it was fun.
or would this be an exception?
lol.
it seems like as i get older i make frens less easily =/
RAHHHHH...

2009-06-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

crap crap crap crap crap!!!!
this sucks!

LAUREN!!!! QUICK COME BACK!!!!

man, if only im a bomb...
i can just explode n i wun b there anymore!
BOOOOM!

dont u noe the feeling of hving an internal struggle within?
damn!
>.<
i wanna SCREAMMMM!!!!
n cryyy....
to just hide and cry....
and cry.
and cry.
and cry.

haha, i jut tot of another option 'impossible' option.
if only i can just fall into a deep deep slp until sunday...
or even tues.
hahaha.
stupid unfeasible idea of mine.
BOO!
im going crazy...

it's something beyond me....
sad hate sad hate sad hate sad hate sad.
more sad than hate.
=((

chungwayway is miserable.
bcoz of something i dunno y i cant even control.
man, i shld listen to mr meanie's advice n go to slp.
damn.
another sian day tml wif two tuitions.
SIGH.
they stole the time i would hv left for xavier.
im depending on xavier tml.
i really am.
but i doubt i'll even see him.
i'll just go into this mood again n be a lifeless person....

i've always said to myself.
but whn hv i followed wad i said.
man.
i cant control it!!!
the misery,
the urge.
the stupid feeling in me will nv go..............................................
im gonna explode.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!

2009-06-17T23:24:00.001+08:00

oh yah, meanie is turning 19 soon.
in like 35 mins.
so....

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY MR MEANIE!!!

(u like red so this is in red, so nice rite me? hahaha, will u even see this?!)

2009-06-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

im blogging now, aft a verrrry loooong time bcoz i think im going to explode if i dun type/say anything.
urgh.
but i dun even noe wad's wif me!!!
>.<
im just feeling v URGH.
damn!
wad's wrong wif me!!!
this...
n that...
arhhh!!!!
i'll stil hv to survive right?
right right right???
BOO!

this.
it's not the first time right?
y am i reacting liddat!
childish behaviour!!!
totally.
but tt's probably the distinct difference now tt i've seen n realised.
BAH!
crappp...
how to stop myself frm feeling liddat!!!!!
>.<
i noe i shldnt b feeling this way but i cant help it;
seriously!!!
someone save me!!!!

that.
it's the same issue over n over again.
i get my hopes high n it falls back to sq one.
crap.
i shld hv asked more clearly.
nw who can i blame.
URGH.
but it's not a lose lose situation..
i mean, i can start all over again.
yes i can.
but will i?
can i live the life i had 2 yrs ago?
crap.
i dun wan to!
ARHHHH.
im going crazy.
n xavier's nt going to be here tml.
i think i'd die!
hopefully jasper n javier can cheer me up...
zzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzz.
sian.

oh man, i need my 'jacob' so badly,
it's a pity i hvnt found him...

2009-05-19T13:18:00.006+08:00

hmm, i turned 19 ytd!

but i dun wan grow old!

hahahas. sunday we went on duck tour n spore flyer...

the pictures will summarise the activities done over the past few days:

this is the hippo city tour which we didnt take...

we took the duck tour!
it moves on land n water..

the vehicle, about to get into the water, hoho!

a shot of the spore flyer from the river!!

this is the esplanade, the tour guide said it was designed to look like speakers =.="
but it turned out to look like durian..

the merlion...

a cute back view of the duck! =D

me n my cousin!

den we went to the spore flyer :)

cousin n grandaunt...

me...

me again at the top, i tot the clouds looked nice!

okay. tt's love, my soft toy/key chain.

the flyer almost completed one round alrd...
cant really feel it moving but it took around 35mins.

at the zoo...

HAHA. no lah, stil at the flyer...

okay, this is for ytd, 18 MAY 2009.
lunch wif dino at vivo.

tuition wif jasper.

he sang me a birthday song, hahaha.

dinner wif ly turned out to be a surprise.

hahas, i tot y the waiter so rough de..

so it was JIEQI.

thanks lingyi, jieqi, fangyu, ade n mar for celebrating wif me!

thanks lauren, xiuwen, mar, mom, meisang, lingyi, dino, bernard, meijun, wantian, noel, lixin n veron for msg-ing me happy bday.

thanks kenny for changing my rest city signboard to "happy bdae to u" n i didnt even realise it at first.

HAHA.

thanks njbball girls for the WATCH! =))

thanks sabrina, my cousin, for the piggy bank.

thanks ah ma for the red packet.

thanks aunty for sunday's dinner n ytd's chicken wings!

thanks g.aunt n mom for another WATCH!=D

yay, i hv 2 watches now! =))

pics for ytd:

my bdae cake n chicken wings for supper!

me trying to cheer my cousin up by taking photo.

she was sulking bcoz she had fever ytd n couldnt eat the cake nor the wings.

hahaha.

my prez ;))

yay! my watches!!! =DD

the piggy bank sabring bought for me, hahas.

it's quite cute rite.

well, this sums up my birthday =)))

i hpe my next bday wun come soon coz i really dun wan my age to start with number 2!

im growing old! >.<

alrights, once again, thanks ALL for ytd!

2009-05-16T10:23:00.002+08:00

the past few days hv been spent on restuarant city.
i didnt really play alot,
it was more of leaving it there n letting it run on its own.
but i feel damn guilty bcoz i think it's a waste of electricity =/
i do hope this month's bill wun increase by such a significant amount tt my g.aunt will notice SOMEONE has been using more electricity than usual.
lol.
tt's 6hours a day more than usual.
30 hours (for 5 days) of electricity for my laptop =/
is tt a lot?
i hope it isnt.
haha.
anw there's the SMU tea session later...
n tml! there's the parents day thingy.
we're going to the DUCK TOUR and SINGAPORE FLYER =D
too bad xavier's not coming wif us...

past events:
MOTHER'S DAY: we went to a new restaurant in vivo, it's called hei she hui n the food is not bad. it was a super funny day. i counted n there was about 7 funny incidents. but i shant elaborate here lah. but one of it is my cousin tot the crysanthemum tea was the soup n she poured it over her rice. hahaha.

A DIV: the 09 team fought hard against the 3 teams but didnt qualify. but nvm, it's gd alrd! u girls were just 2 points away from qualifying i would say! jiayou for next yr bah. it's been v exciting to watch them play! =)

TUITION: okay, there's nothing much bcoz they r still the devils like they hv always been. but lee zhi hao is still v cute though i dun teach him. he still chases me from his hse to the lift whn i go hme. hahaha!

okay, tt's all for today...
ohh, and if we had stuck to the initial plan, i would be on the plane to australia tonite or tml le...
but nopes, i'll just be here. hahaha.

2009-05-13T14:34:00.002+08:00

i finally got the offers from the 3 schs, they are:
1) SMU accounting
2) NUS bioengineering
3) NTU aerospace engineering

well well,
accounting has been wad i've always thought of,
n SMU has cool n nice buildings (quoted by dear LAUREN)! =))
but acct has many presentations BOO!
though location wise, SMU is the most convenient for me :)

bioengineering seemed to hv popped out of no where,
i wonder y i had chosen it hahas.
probably bcoz there werent many choices n i decided i shld choose engineering aft acct.
so POP, bioengine, coz chem engine was too difficult to get in n im not sure if i can cope wif chem...

aerospace engineering was a dream u could say.
something tt sounded COOL!
so even though i thought i wouldnt get in, i stil put it down n 'wasted' one choice.
so i was quite shocked to see "aerospace engineering" in the ntu letter.
hahahs.
but honestly, i dunno much bout planes n im pretty sure i've to work wif a lot of machines/engines?
n engine/machine is something i dun quite hv an interest in?
sigh.
so i regret to say tt aerospace engine's not quite suitable for me though i really thought he could be my motivation to do well.
hahahas.

i hvnt confirmed on SMU acct but tt's wad i'd most probably end up in.
it's pretty sad to turn down the other 2 choices actually u noe =(((
hv to say byebye to the cool aerospace...

shall blog bout events tt hv happened in my next entry then..

2009-05-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

i've been lazy to blog.
so just some brief updates:

the trip to WILD WILD WET was fun! (okay, tt was ages ago...)
but stil, it was FUNFUNFUN!!!!
million times more fun than now...
u probably wun even rmb the important day if this goes on...

anw, juniors got into second round!!!! =DD
so proud of them!!!!
n i wan go watch their matches next week!
GRRR..
against TJ, dunman n VJ!!!
definitely not mon alrd...

and last... tuition is unpredictable.
it can rock but it can suck as well.
it rocks whn SHERMAN LEE is not distracted and says/does funny things to make me laugh.
it rocks whn the only thing JASPER ONG rmbs is tt i hvnt given him sticker;
so cute!
it rocks whn LEROY LEE pays attention n sits down to do his work.
it ROCKS whn my tutees' little bro, ZHIHAO, says he wans to bring me hme (haha, i told him i was alrd at his hse!) and tells his grandma tt he likes me!
hahaha, cute 5yr old kid!!! i muz take a pic wif him one day!!!! >.<
okay, but painting sucks.
irresponsible parents suck too.
like, arranging tuition just once a week.
like i can teach a pri 6 child effectively n help her understand better in an hour!
tt ONE hour includes math n eng mind u >.<
and, LEROY LEE, rmb wad u promised me hor!
(i may just fade away from ur life too suddenly... LOL)
okay, let's look forward to a better tuition! =)

2009-04-06T11:43:00.002+08:00

oh well, i probably wun be going aust aft all..
coz mom cant take leave in may...
rahhh.
=(
but i think g.ma's more disappointed than i am...
poor her...
n mom's pretty guilty bout it...
so she suggested me going on a holiday wif frens or wif cousins...

anw mayb i'll go wif my aunt n cousin in june.
sigh.
but tt seriously disrupts my schedule.
BOO.
so i dunno...
mayb it'll be better if i dun go?

2009-04-03T21:49:00.002+08:00

april's here alrd.
that's fast.
4 more months n sch starts.
n i guess i'll be dreading it.
dunno how uni life's going to be but i probably would enjoy my current life more.
bah!
today's tuition was half gd half bad.
gd for SM but bad for LR.
oh crap.
LR started playing bakugan wif SM during his lesson n i was like O.O
=.="
sian....
n to think he even had the guts to ask me for choco (coz i gave one to SM for being gd).
i nv give him of coz..

so anw i submitted my applications alrd.
i changed my choices 3 times i think.
hahas,
n as days pass,
i begin to think tt i didnt do tt satisfactory aft all.
n i hope i dun hv to go thru a lot of interviews coz i hate them.
tt's probably y i chose engineerings aft acct.

oh i may be going to australia on the last 2 weeks of may.
actually wanted one week before sch hols de.
den i dunno y i ended up suggesting 2 weeks b4 sch hols.
probably bcoz i can hv make up tuition for them if they wan.
no lah.
not so wei da.
okay, partly lah, i cant be so irresponsible though i alrd am bcoz 3 of them r hving psle.
but they nid a break also!
so the other reason is i tot tt mayb june hols is quite impt to me coz MAYB i can meet up wif my bball girls, dino, etc etc...
haha.
so i flipped my calendar n just anyhow picked a date.
so i texted my mom: oh, mayb i can go from 17 may to 30 may. around there.
n her reply was: if u come on 17 THAT MEANS u can hv ur 19th bday here! tts gd!
whn i read it i was like O.O
i totally forgot my bday.
lol.
den i was contemplating whether i shld go on the 17 bcoz tt would mean tt i cant spend my bdae wif my frens!
urgh.
but mayb they arent even free to spend it wif me...
oh so anw,
i think it would be interesting to spend that day overseas for a change?
haha, good for all of u coz no nid give presents le!!
hahaha.
but i stil hv to confirm wif the parents n see if they're okay wif it a not lahh...

but even if i do go,
it'll just to relax.
coz for one thing, may/june is not the time for skiing coz it's not tt cold yet..
probably still no snow...
n i wun be going to dream world movie world coz there WUN be anyone to play n sit the rides wif me...
so it wun be fun.
imagine riding a roller coaster all alone =.=
so i'll probably be really just visiting mom...
shopping.
playing wif hiro.
shopping.
wii-ing.
shopping...
probably tt's it.
haha.
anyone of u who happen to see this post wan to come along wif me?
so mayb i can sit those rides!
hahaha.
im like talking to the air...
nites!

2009-03-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

i hvnt blogged for ages..
nothing much to talk about.
hols been pretty simple but no doubt fun.
giving tuition to little kids isnt tt bad now,
quite fun actually =)
esp aft today!
today's tuition i think was the best!
the 2 naughty kids were quite gd just now.
alrights, mayb it'll just be today.
=/

so besides tuition,
it's just hanging out wif frens, slacking, tv-ing, n playing wif lovely BABY!!!
oh yah, n playing games.
hehe.
anw results were so so lahh..
i think ppl will think it's pretty bad.
but im quite relieved for my sciences though no miracle happened.

okay. let's talk about ytd =)
though i had to wake up at 6 plus (yes, i forgot whn was the last time i hate to wake up dis early, hmm, i think it was the last day of A's?), it was a meaningful n fun day!
cousulted mdm khoo wif ly about uni courses (yes, im sure many r stil fretting over this just like i am).
abit clearer about my options but still undecided about my choices.
well, i dun wan to regret later.
anw since i went back to sch, it gave me a chance to say hi to LAUREN! =D
we chatted a while bout her videos/cousins/bball/the movie showing on 2 april.....
hahaha.
aft tt went for an outing wif ly, jq n fy.
thanks fy for ur notebook n food!
YAY!
n jq for ur letter!
n ly for organising the outing! hehe.
went for lunch, shopped, mall cop-ped.
though short but it was the first time 4 of us went outing tgt!
so it was enjoyable n quite funny (bcoz our dear jq is always so CUTE n SILLY).
mall cop was pretty funny but the start was quite stupid i think..
=/

this week has been quite busy so far..
tml's g.aunt's bdae...
will be out whole day tml.
BOO.
so tired! =((

2009-03-06T12:05:00.002+08:00

alrights.
today's the DAY.
1 hour b4 i set off for sch.
2 hours later i'd be so nervous.
in 3 hours' time i'd probably noe my results.
i'd do anything if im pleased wif my results.
arhhhh!!!

well.
last nite it seemed to take me forever to fall aslp...
but thankfully i didnt dream about results.
i think overall nj shld do well.
but if not for individuals like me, nj would probably do better.

okay.
im scared; just like everyone out there.
2 years of 'hard' work (well, probably only the last few months were really hardhard work).
but it's all for this day isnt it.
my mind's pretty blank right now.
im just afraid it'd be like 3 yrs ago...
i dun wan it to happen.
just give me something reasonable.
and i'd be really thankfully.
im not expecting fanastic results like straight A's or 3A's.
i accept tt i wun be the owner of such perfect results.
but something reasonable please...

i thought about it ytd.
n i realised accepting wad i got would probably be easier than breaking the news to ppl around me.
so please dun ask me how i did.
rahhhh...
i think it's difficult to face my family.
bcoz of the expectations they hv of me.
wad if i didnt meet their expectations?
it'll be difficult to face them.
sigh.
wouldnt it better if they had no expectations?
there'll be less stress and no worries.

arhhhh.
im freaking out alrd typing about this.
PSLE.
olevel chinese results.
olevel results.
pw results.
n now alevel results.
so this would probably be the 5th n last time i'll be super nervous on results day.
or is there such thing in uni also? =O

bah.
all the hard work for this day.
wif my fingers crossed, im waiting.
no tears please...

2009-02-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

it seems like a lot of ppl are talking bout results day.
i mean, ppl start blogging bout it.
(so here i am doing the same thing..)
rahhh.
i feel so 'unsettled'.
i dunno how to put it.
i choose to not think bout it.
tt day tws told me his fren said tt mayb it would be end of feb,
i was thinking NOOOOOO....
please.
knowing my results a day earlier would mean a less day of carefree day.
rahhhh.
let it come out in march bahh.
okay, i noe i've got to face it sooner or later.
i searched my archive.
i went back to 2007 feb.
to recall how i felt bout results day.
n there was only 2 posts in feb.
n only one was closely related to how i felt.
n it was the day whn our results were released.
oh well.
seems like the impact A's brought is so much greater than O's.
it's stressful to even think of how i'd do.
sometimes i asked myself wad i hoped to get.
and den i really tot about how i tot i did.
n it was scary.
i asked myself how would i react if i didnt get any As.
or if i didnt do v well for my sciences.
rahhhhh...
i dun wan to think about it anymore.
im afraid to know my results.
just like i was afraid to get back my math prelim papers.
i lost all faith in myself at tt point...
someone save me...

i dreamt of results day a few times.
once was bout my results.
another time was tt i forgot to collect it;
yes i totally forgot.
n somehow yk called me n i found out he did VERY well.
hahaha.
n there i was panicking bcoz i just woke up whn ppl alrd got their results slip.
wad a nitemare.
n the last time was about how i did for gp.
scary isnt it.

okay lah, but wadever it is i guess i'l just see if i did well enough to get into some course tt i wan.
otherwise i'l just take something else.
hv i any other choice?
=(((

2009-02-15T21:16:00.002+08:00

BOO!
i accepted another assignment and these goes my free day.
pay is not tt fantastic (well, i dun even noe wad i shld be getting so i just accept blindly =.=)
okay, i was (or am i still considering?) thinking of seeing how this new assignment is n mayb if they're quite nice to me i'll ditch the p6 boy.
he's really stubborn.
n he's not afraid of me >.<
eh. mayb i dun nid him to be afraid of me but at least listen to wad i say!!!!
n follow it! >.<
rahhh.
sometimes i really couldnt be bothered n just watched him do wad he insisted on doing.
BOO!
he loves arguing man.
sucks.
i feel like just going off whn he doesnt listen.
even his grandma cant handle him =.="

okay, i hvnt got over the fact tt i hv no more free day.
tt's sad.
mon 3.30 to 4.30.
tues 3.30 to 6.30.
wed 3 to 5.
thurs 3.30 to 4.30.
fri 3.30 to 6.30.
sat 11 to 1.
okay, tt means i work like 12 hours a week. rahhh.
bad news is tt i may hv to tutor my cousin chinese;
for free.
lol.
okay lah, i cant teach him much for chinese so tt's fine.
but his mom might wan me to teach him amath.
aiya, but not confirm.
so see first bah.

2009-02-11T22:17:00.002+08:00

YAY.
tml's the day!
haha, the day i get my first pay ^.^
isnt a lot, not even 100bucks =.="
but... tt's a beginning for me!
=))
yay!
im beginning to like my p3 student.
i hope his bro can behave much better so t i can like him too!
>.<
rahhh.
i cant believe kids these days =.=
alright, vday's coming...! =))

2009-02-05T21:07:00.002+08:00

i waited. and waited. tried to entertain myself while waiting. finally i persuaded myself to go to slp. assuring myself that i will see ur msg whn i wake up. it was a terrible night. i awoke every now n then. den persuaded myself to go back to slp. finally it was day break n i checked my phone. nothing. forced myself to slp again. 7.30am. then 7.50am. 7.55am, hmm, doesnt hurt to call u 5 mins earlier eh? voicemail. 8am. voicemail. 8.05am, voicemail. rahh, go back to slp. slp u will forget everything. so i slept. 10.27am. i got up. 10.30am i called again. YAY! ringing tone. rejected. kae, he msged to say he was in class. replied. n i stared at my phone n waited. seemed like forever. but yay! CSLBAAA^AAA! i could feel. i just knew. but i was afraid tt even though i felt this way, things can still happen. it happened once n it could happen again. but anw i seemed like an irritant as he didnt reply. finally 13.24 my phone rang =DD the next 36mins brought me comfort n relief =)))

today's tuition was not bad. hahaha, cute kid but too active. jumped around the place even though i tried to coax him to sit down n draw. hahaha, he dun like to listen. like to do things his way. so hopefully soon i can find a gd way to get him to listen to me. hohoho. rushed hme aft tuition to play wif baby xavier. yay! seeing him makes me happy. coz he's too cute, too irresistable. haha. everyday i look forward to seeing him, especially whn im sad. dunno y even whn im sad i see him den wun be so sad le. too cute bah. heex. lovely baby. now, waiting for his lessons to end.

i'll stand by u in times of rain.
u matter to me.

2009-02-04T21:45:00.002+08:00

rahhh...
cant make up my mind if today's a good or bad day.
man, i think it's bad.
boo! wasnt it supposed to be good?!
it was it was it was!!!!!!

we went gold class for a once in a life time experience.
it started off pretty funny bcoz the person gave us tickets to the normal movie.
we were like "2pm show" and he was like "1.35pm?".
we were like "here's $56" and he was like "$15 please".
n we knew wad was wrong whn we saw the tickets.
hohoho.
it was a great experience n had the whole cinema to ourselves =)
we ordered food (since it was once in a lifetime!).
so u could say we spent quite alot today tt we didnt order drinks n ended up going to giant aft tt to drink free water from the water dispenser.
LOL.
i drank 3 cups n he refilled the empty bottle!
embarrassing X/
but very fun!
=DD every moment spent wif him is funfunfun!
n whn it's fun, time tends to pass quickly;
too quickly in fact.

sometimes i wonder why in life there has to be so many obstacles. u would probably say obstacles help to shape n mould us, make us a tougher person. but obstacles make me sad. they make me wan to give up in life. isnt life supposed to be happy? rahhh. sometimes i really hoped tt i could close my eyes, tell myself it's just a bad dream n awake from tt dream. but i noe i cant, bcoz too often than not, they are reality. facts that we have to accept, things that we have to face.
sometimes scenes tt i come arcoss give me happiness, some make me feel that i wan to be in such situations, while others lead me to think twice about being in the same situation. how ironic.
parents chose to bring their kids into this world n hence hv the responsibility to give them the best. i mean, tts how i feel n if i hv a kid nxt time, i will give him/her all tt i can. but some do not give their kids enough. by this i mean these kids dun get wad many other kids get. poor kids. while some do not respect their kids, others even intrude into their kids privacy. well, u may think that they hv the right to coz they r aftall the parent, but how would the kid feel? hv parents considered tt? n whn kids do wrong parents just scold n beat them, do u think it really helps. do u think it's entirely their fault that they made mistakes? no. never. parents shld share the blame.

rahhh, i dunno y i typed all these nonsense but it's been pretty long since i blogged this way. i probably kept things inside me too long.
too long.

i presumed u didnt wan to worry me by waiting till evening to tell me all tt has happened.. since these hv happened there's no running away. so i'll stand by u the whole way though there are certain things tt u'll hv to face alone. but always noe BLULnL. n i'll rmb CLMAAA^AAA.
i hope things will be fine for u soon.

2009-01-25T21:46:00.002+08:00

it's cny eve alrd.
time just flew by.
haha.
no time to say much.
so i guess i'll say more in my nxt post.
just had reunion dinner but the atmosphere isnt there yet lahh.
hopefully tml will be more lively since alot of ppl are coming!!! (or it seems to be)
=DD
but im happy wif wad i hv now lah.
hahaha.
cousin's quite cute n fun to be wif although we got age gap.
hoho.
10 years!
anw, got to stay up late tonite.
make a guess wad time i'll fall aslp =P
yay!

HAPPY CNY!!!

love yours truly!!!!
SLPYHEAD!

2009-01-18T21:57:00.002+08:00

it's the 18th alrd.
BOO.
time seems to be passing quite quickly.
ahhhh...
i dun wannnn...
i wan hols to cont like forever.
haha.

i've been like doing mostly NOTHING these days.
hahaha.
it's like i just watch tv, watch repeated episodes of amazing race [whee!!!]!
but im sad coz it's from 2 to 3 pm but most aftn i hv lesson at 3.30pm which means i cant watch the whole episode...
BOO.
den i hv to search online.
=(((
anw, art is really slack!
but the boy's cute!
P3&6 EM is okay lahh...
just tt the dog is AHHHHH...
the dog bites my feet!
it chews on my socks n my toes hurt coz she has sharp teeth.
>.<
rahhh.
but everything's pretty alright lahh.
quite fun,
quite happy.

oh, n i saw an accident like aft the 1st art lesson.
i freaked out aft tt.
x.x
SCARY.
almost got injured i think.
or mayb died.
=/

oh yeah. cny's coming.
time to annoy my cousins again!!!
whee!

2009-01-06T14:16:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR =D
(alrights i know it's alrd 6th of jan alrd)
but first post of the yr!
new yr, new beginning!
2008 has been a tough yr for many of us...
hopefully 2009 will be a rewarding yr!

some resolutions:
1) stay happy!
2) not waste my time away (esp like now! lol)
3) get a job
4) watch more movies (hahaha)
5) not fall sick
6) not take things for granted
7) stay positive
8) treasure him!

my new yr wish:
1) get results tt i'll be satisfied wif
2) earn money!!!!!

in life there are ups n downs. sometimes u feel u're at your lowest point. nothing can get any worse. so there's nothing else to fear.. but at such times, rmb tt eventually, the sun will shine aft the rain. so wait for the SUNSHINE in times of rain!
YAY! n this is my sunshine =)

my sunshine.

our rainbow and sunshine.

cheers to yr 2009!

to continue walking hand in hand,
i'll be your sunshine n u'll be mine.

2008-12-30T20:34:00.011+08:00

hahas. no pic of my bear.
sorry!
coz 2009 is coming!
meaning 2008 is ending.
so i tot mayb i shld leave sunshine (my bear) for the first entry of 2009!
n i shall explain y in tt entry =))

so since 2008 is ending, that means end of jc life too.
awww.
so a quick recap of the 2 yrs in junior college.
first three months was spent in sajc where orientation was really fun =))
but i ended up only knowing my OG mates rather than my classmates.
lol.
anti social...
so this is OG 16!
belonging to IROXA!

at some bbq...

aft disco nite on the last day of orientation...

OG16!

jiashan n me

(my long lost fren!)

cybil, jel n me!
(jel crash our sch =P)

me, sam, cybil =)

me n arthur...

tws n me!

xw n me during SA open house...

so that's bout all for the time in SA.

moving on to nj...

i think the time whn i first came to nj was the loneliest period of time man.

it sucked.

everyday i just hoped for sch to end so tt i can leave the sch.

n i rmb being super happy whn he called to say hi.

n i was even happier whn he said he would come fetch me aft sch =)

anw, it sucked so much dat i regretted not staying in sa.

tt i didnt quite bothered to join any cca.

i planned to rot.

lol.

but anw, somehow, i joined NJ bball.

n my amazing journey with the team started...

let's forget bout 2007 coz i dun quite rmb wad i did.

=.="

okay! the things i rmb were,

i like to zhao home aft sch!

n all i did was PW PW PW PW PW!

so... 2008...

at fish n co aft our first game wif vjc!

the juniors r bullying our poor captain =P

2008 girls team wif coaches n mr sham!

the entire 2008 team!

coach!
(whom i hardly noe...

but i rmb him asking me if i wan eat BAO! XD)

me n lauren at pastamania after our last game...

one last time, njbball'08 girls!

stepping down...

j2s during college day!

love my team!

love my team lots!

love my team lots n lots!

n of coz before graduate muz take pics!

ly, jq n me after our last Alevel paper! =DD

jq n i in the hall..

bballers n mr sham!

n about my class...

07S18.

i admit im not v bonded to the class n i hardly every turn up for class outings....

but aft all, i spent like 1 yr plus wif them during lects n tuts.

BAH!

ppl whom i hang out wif...

QUEK QUEK- who always entertained me with silly things n we end up laughing during lessons...

FUFEN- who always bullies me! hahaha. n she likes to disturb me too!

JINYIN- who always lives in her own world and end up getting stepped on by serene n me! she also v slowpoke!

CIHUI- one word is enough to describe him: MEAN >.<

MDM KHOO- who spends alot of time with me for consultation. n correcting my concepts. n she acknowledges me as class cleaniness rep although i nv do anything one. HAHA.

MR TEO- who always makes the class laugh with his jokes. a wonderful math tcher!!!

MR WEE- who is super cute coz he mumbles to himself n he loves telling us cold jokes.

so to sum up everything...

the pics wif class ppl...

cihui n me!

me!

at the bball board =D

outside our physics lab..

zanyu!

me, jy, ser..

at the toilet which is always closed =P

science block!

at the rooftop! =D

nice field!

grandstand rocks!

if i die, u noe who killed me...

ser, marc, me-

SERVICE WITH HONOUR

me n yixuan =)

SERVICE WITH HONOUR

me n munkit...

me n jy outside lt5...

me n jim...

our ying tao xiao zhui!

am i DAT short? >.<

grandstand again!

my incomplete pw group!
NJ 124!

girls+yixuan

us n mr teo!

us n mr wee!

doing his fav pose!

07S18!

us wif miss chan...

hahaha.

07S18 guys.

07S18 girls.

07S18 (with some missing)!

so i presume the nxt post will be next yr!

happy 2009 in advance!

=DD

2008-12-22T20:15:00.002+08:00

BOO!
i've not been blogging.
coz im lazy.
hahas.
i've just been enjoying the hols!
whee!
sometimes im out wif him..
sometimes im out wif her...
sometimes im out wif them...
at times, i stay at home n play wif baby!
n tt can be fun too!
=D
oh,
n i went for trg once.
n my muscles ached ALOT the next 2 days.
lol.
i'm super unfit now.
=((
n yes, i got the graduation pics too.
but im lazy to post them.
hehe.
another day whn im home perhaps,
coz this week seems to be pretty busy.
i sent out a few job applications to try my luck too.
hahaha.

so anw, today was quite an interesting day.
eh, it was supposed to be happy n free!
but it wasnt.
lol.
went to vivo n bought tickets for yes man.
was shopping at diaso whn eeyan called to arrange an interview.
guess wad.
it was this evening.
shocking lah!
i wasnt even prepared coz i only sent out the applications ytd.
lol.
so i was just stoning the next few hours.
i was guilty tt i wasnt paying attention to him.
=P
hee.
but yay!
he was v supportive.
n tried to make me happy n not so nervous.
we went to build a bear!!!!!
whee!!!
okay, it cost quite alot...
=((

so aft the movie we went to find the company.
okay, it was between somerset n dhoby.
behind orchard point there.
n the interview was pretty okay.
just tt i stammered n talked rubbish at the beginning.
=/
i didnt even noe wad i was trying to say.
BOO!
so i think tt would be the reason y i wasnt selected (if i dun get the job).
but anw there was this personality test tt i had to take.
i found tt pretty interesting.
anw my job would be just some admin work n screening of candidates.
something liddat.
but tt is if i do get the job.
okay, n i didnt ans the call from another company coz i was watching yes man.
=.="
so i probably hv to call them back tml.
rahhh.
there's another interview on fri for some telemarketing job.
hopefully i get one of the jobs..
den i can stop searching.
hoho.

i hate interviews coz i'll be super nervous n scared tt i'll forget everything n start talking nonsense.
hahas.
but i really appreciated his support!
he stoned outside the building for 40mins to wait for my interview to end =D
n thanks TWS for helping me search n giving me some ideas!!!
yay! im glad to hv some nice frens!
=DD

xmas is coming!!!
i shall blog again aft i hv a pic of my new bear =)

2008-12-09T14:54:00.010+08:00

it's been quite a while.
a little more than 2 weeks.
mom came back to spore n went back alrd...
we went on holiday n came back alrd...
things happened n got better alrd...
hahas.
it was like damn fast.
=((
the week whn mom came back before our holiday was mostly shopping.
we bought a lot of stuff.
n i got a new printer le!
hk trip from 29nov to 3dec can b summarised by the pics:

on the airplane to hk =)

me n cousin ragnild on the plane.

g.aunt n mom [wif big eyes]

first nite at hotel whn mom's hk fren came to meet us.

we went to this famous place whr ppl go drinking (if im not wrong)...

2nd day we went to the peak.

tts all of us except mom, coz she's taking the picture.

outside the tram station...

at the peak, can u see my messed up hair?

the wind's super strong, i think i'll be blown away...

tt's my beloved mummy! =D

me n ragnild.

g.aunt n mom.

mr gingerbread man!

cute little cousin who doesnt like to take pics..

avenue of stars!

while waiting for the laser/light performance...

3rd day, on the way, in the train...

cousins sophie n ragnild.

me!

waiting for cable car up the mountain...

on the way to the big buddha..

us! without mom n sophie..

we're getting married!

after climbing 250 steps =.="
yes, ragnild made me count the number of stairs...

tts us.
n only mom n g.ma came up wif us.

me wif mom n granny =))

on the way to disney aft tt.

on the disney train!

whee~!

i like the handle!

at the entrance...
HERE YOU LEAVE TODAY AND ENTER THE WORLD OF
YESTERDAY, TOMORROW AND FANTASY!

TOMORROWLAND!

i like sophie's balloon!

a random shot.

my new hair band =))

SHOPPING!!!

but sadly, i didnt buy A LOT of things coz they were super tired n wanted to leave...

snowing snowing...
can see the snow?

taa-daaa!
can see alrd?

fake de...

it's just foam.

hahaha.

4th day to macau.

tt's me about to fall aslp but mom insisted on taking a pic.

actually we didnt wan to go macau.

coz aft disney everyone was super tired alrd.

legs ached..

but i wanna go macau!

finally, a complete pic!

coz the "tour guide" helped us take this pic.

at some canon place...

that's china over there!

at venetian.

it's one of the 21 cashinos in macau.

very cool rite!

wad u see in the background is indoors!

HAHA.

my first time in a cashino,

my first time playing jackpot.

n guess wad...

we played until we forgot the time!

=((

so we couldnt go to the sky tower!

man!

tt's my biggest regret this trip.

i wanted to walk around the tower high up in the air!

alright, but we won some money thanks to mom's GOODLUCK! =)

mom, g.aunt, g.ma on the ferry back from macau.

last day. on the plane back to s'pore.

before the airport was SECOND LAST MIN SHOPPING,

and LAST MIN SHOPPING,

and LAST LAST MIN SHOPPING.

hehehe!

i hvnt shopped enough!!!

so fast!
but i love this plane!

it's new!

n SIA hv lots of movies!
but end up i only watched beverly hill chiwawa on the plane to hk.

back to sin i was playing games!!!

it's fun!

okay! n i watch kung fu panda again coz i think he's super cute!

tt's wad i saw whn i looked out of the window beside me,

n i wondered when i'll hv the chance to do so again....

2008-11-21T21:07:00.016+08:00

well well.

short post today.

coz im lazy.

n i nid to slp early coz mom's arriving pretty early tml morning.

like at 5.45am.

BOO!

so i hv to wake up early.

hahas.

it's super fast.

discussing about mom coming back before Alevels n now A's hv ended n she's coming back alrd.

okay, here's a picture of the BIGGEST DISTRACTOR throughout the ENTIRE alevel period.
TAA DAA!

cute xavier! whn he first came!

this was taken today 2 months aft the first pic =)

he's about the cry coz i bullied him =P

alrights.

today was our postponed BIGBIG day.

yes.

bcoz of alevels.

BOO!

but nvm, had a great day today! =D

went to ps (yes! ps again!)

lunched at swensens.

the crumble was SO sweet!

hahas, but i still insisted on eating it.

movied there.

madagascar.

i tot the baby animals were cute!

one sentence from the movie tt i rmb is :
"love has no boundaries!"

hahaha.

gifts!!!

he wanted to build a bear.

but like very ex eh?

so we didnt in the end...

we wil wait one month for xmas to come.

den it'll be xmas+big day gift!

WHEE!

in the mean time i can start thinking how i wan my bear to look =P

alrights.

puzzle for him.

yes, i noe i always buy things i like for ppl but i dunno whether the person will like it or not.

HEHE.

but it's nice wad!

>.<

alrights.

explored the arcade.

n went home.

tt sums up my day.

pictures of the day!

2 hearts made of puzzle!

put them together n u get one heart!
tt means----> 2 hearts as one!

him n me =))

ytd went out wif ly n jq.

i enjoyed myself doing super DUMB things wif them.

HAHA.

first it was the glass door.

den at the national library.

went to 9th floor n took escalator down.

end up still cannot find wad we wan!

den at the movie.

jq chose the combo wif so much popcorn den she complained she was going to puke.

den at the arcade!
ball.

hit until hand pain.

mario cart.

drum.

shooting.

HAHA. but it was FUN! =D

YAY!!!!!

pictures for jq n ly!

okay, this is not for them.
tts me at the kiddy arcade =)

quek ling yi thinks she's a kid!

jie qi n me trying to squeeze into the tiny car!!

jie qi acting young =P

jie qi n ling yi squashed in the car..

me n ling yi inside doremon! =)

me n jie qi!

jie qi, ling yi n me at bugis junction.

me, jie qi n ling yi in the cinema =D
love them lots!!!
not forgetting our dear FANG YU!

okay, this is a long post unlike wad i promised earlier.

HAHA.

but i wun be blogging for like pretty long aft this.

probably close to 2 weeks.

might not hv the time since my mom wants to go out like everyday whn she comes back.

haha.

overseas from 29th dec to 3rd dec.

so if i nv reply ur msgs, SORRY in advance!!!

take care ppl!

i'll try to blog whn i can though :)

2008-11-19T19:41:00.002+08:00

i just chanced upon sheralyn's blog.
i laughed whn i saw these 2 sentences about ytd's class outing:
"Im quite glad a bunch of people came today, though there were missing faces.
even valerie came, and im glad she did too (: "
hahas. this goes to show how many class outings i've attended these 2 years.
LOL.
thinking back, probably i shld hv given myself a chance to really bond wif the class.
probably.
mayb i shldnt hv isolated myself from them.
mayb.
okay. guess im anti-social.
i prefer my own space.
i dun really talk to ppl im not v familiar wif.
n i wan to avoid awkward situations.
i refuse to step out of my comfort zone.
HAHA.
but all these may end up being regrets of my life...
=((

2008-11-19T16:28:00.002+08:00

i finally finished the 7th season of the amazing race.
haha.
im like addicted to it since prelims ended?
probably bcoz tt was one of the few entertainment a had that period of time.
boo!
let's see how long before i get tired of it.
other than it being exciting,
and funny (sometimes),
i think i learnt quite a lot from that show.
i dun noe how to put it but rah, i think it's somethign worth watching.
haha.
i rmb watching the amazing race asia one sunday morning during the alevel period and the teams had to do a bungee jump thing off macau tower.
n i thought, would i hv the guts to do that?
would i rather do that or take the alevels?
at that time of coz i thought i'll rather jump off that tower.
haha.
i experienced different emotions watching season 7.
anger, excitement, disappointment...
yah, outdated huh?
season 13's alrd showing...
im watch 13 too.
but tt's once a week only.

okay.
today's the first day i had nothing to do at home.
unlike the past how many months.
n the feeling's quite gd although it may b quite boring.
haha.
no lah, i hv the baby to play wif!!!
=DD
n my amazing race to watch!
the feeling of just playing wif baby n watch tv/videos is so shuang!!!

so an overview of the alevels exams:
gp p1 was pretty shocking coz the essay titles were pretty unexpected.
but whn i saw p2 i tot p1 was much better.
physics p1 was i hope, pretty alright.
p2 was okay.
p3 was not tt bad except for mayb 2 qns?
math p1 was quite okay that is if there is NO careless mistakes.
p2's pure math part was like pretty screwed up PLUS the hypothesis testing qn. SIGH.
chem p1 was a race against time n i hope i'll do fine.
p2 was shocking bcoz of the transition metals qn worth 21 marks.
p3 was not tt well done but in my opinion much better than nj's paper.
i'll been like getting consistent 'U's for chem since my first ct.
econs p1 was shocking n i just stared at the qns like this -.-" for like 5 mins.
p2 was not any better probably coz i gave up alrd.
BOO!
that rounds up wad all of us hv been studying so hard for!
it's over!!!

prelims hv definitely thought me many things n given me the signal tt i really had to do something to save myself.
the few days that we got back our papers were kind of the worse days in my life.
it's like, i just wan to cry man.
i felt like i couldnt take alevels at all!
but i finally got over it n stood back up again =))
i told myself i should accept my results graciously,
n since the worse has alrd happened, how much worse can it can?
aft tt i found out tt it's like i dun eve noe wad em/emi is about lah!!!
my foundations were like really bad.
so i think i should thank mdm khoo n mr wee for like answering my stupid qns during consultations.
it's thanks to them tt i understood my sciences much better now.
=)
okay i admit not doing much for econs n math.
i hope they wun turn out too bad although i still place a lot of hope for math.
but i'll leave the worrying till next yr whn results r coming out bah.
for now, it's over n i've given my best n finished the final lap wif no regrets.
note im referring the FINAL lap,
not the 2 yrs in nj.
tt means i regretted not even bothering to know how to determine the direction of the Efield whn we hv the direction of electrons!
damn!
yes, my foundations were THAT weak.
cant believe it huh.

then there was farewell assembly a week or 2 after sch ended.
i'll talk about tt whn i hv all the photos i want i guess..
shall go watch more amazing race now.
oh yeah! =DD

2008-11-18T22:03:00.006+08:00

my A LEVEL'S OVER!!!

YAY!!!!!!

the day many of us hv been waiting for!

hahas, but it alrd felt like it was over last week lah.

but now dun hv to feel guilty coming online or watching videos alrd!

whee!!!

so i was saying a wanted to retake the pics but okay, i didnt in the end.

coz the class planned to go mel's house.

so it's like there was no time to go take pics.

boo!

so fine, i shall wait;

patiently.

patience is a virtue okay!

i'll master tt eventually.

HAHA.

at least i hope i will.

i think i will lah.

coz mom's coming back so i wun hv to time to fret over the pics!!!

arhh.

but i'll be like deprived of my frens for 2 weeks or so!

tt's pretty sad!!

okay.

took a few pics aft paper (which are below) n headed to mel's house.

i think around half the class went...
we mah jonged, heart-ed, dai tee-d n carrom-ed there.

hahas.

i learnt how to play hearts n carrom!

okay, i didnt exactly learn carrom.

i just anyhow hit.

HAHA.

n hearts was like super scary!!!

gosh.

stressful!

there was once i made this stupid mistake tt almost earned to ALOT of points.

hahas.

thankfully mg pointed it out n they were nice to let me change card =P

but yx made the same mistake!!!

hoho!

anw, lesson of the day is hj n jx are scheming!!!

dun ever play cards wif them!!!

hehe.

supposed to meet jq, ly n hy for movie somewhr in town but ly was sick.

so she asked if we could go her house instead.

i didnt go in the end coz i tot it was quite difficult for me to get home.

so SORRY ppl =((

we played at mel's house until like 5?

den took a bus to town for dinner.

photo hunt-ed there n i was like so blur at first!

it's like i cant even spot anything n they alrd found all!

=.="

i was super slow!

hahas.

but i improved coz the 10 of us played like 10times?

LOL.

we filled the list of high scores wif 9 "cmy" and the last one was "omg dun play".

HAHA.

okay lah, i didnt contribute much to tt lah.

reaction too slow n hands too short alrd =P

n i left aft tt.

think they went take neo prints aft tt.

anw i managed to reach home in time at around 9.

okay, i was a few mins late.

hahas.

coz i nv run home from bus stop =P

alrights.

tt's all for now.

i wan go watch a bit of video before slping =PP

pics!!!

one last look at my poor old shoes since sec sch...

tt's cihui n i aft physics paper =)
im as tall as him leh!

jieqi n me!!! =D

lingyi, jieqi and me at grandstand...

me n sheralyn at mel's house!
hahas, my one n only GP mate from our class!

that's short n evil serene beside me!!! =P
(think she's going to kill me if she sees this)
hahas, alright lah. she may not be THAT short but she's evil!!!
no doubt!

oh well.
gdnites!
and this marks the first day of celebrations!!! =DD
hooray!

2008-11-15T21:39:00.008+08:00

it's been long since the last post.
n the last post was short.
boo!
alevels feels like it's over alrd,
but NO it's not over yet.
3 more days and celebration starts.
HAHA.
okay, actually i wanted to leave this post for graduation pics.
but urgh.
forget it.
i only hv half of it now.
the other half is being held 'captive'.
BOO!
so i think i'll just 'retake' them after my last paper on tues!
=)
tt sounds not bad huh!
okay, i blogged bcoz my baby cousin's one month old!
so we went to my uncle's house for the mini "celebration".
haha.
i was quite looking forward to it actually coz i hvnt seen one of my cousin for quite long alrd.
it's like knowing tt we've drifted apart sucked..
we were close previously.
rah.
but things change...
n we've grown...
so i just wanted to maintain our "frenship".
proabably it's bcoz i've got no siblings so i feel tt it's gd to keep in contact wif my cousins.
okay, so i persuaded him to go today n he did.
HAHA.
n i realised we hvnt really drifted lahh.
just tt he's taller now.
but he stil loves to disturb me.
=.="
n i'll get annoyed.
haha.
okay, i shall cut it short.
the pics for today r here...

a random shot...

me n noel

g.ma, me, noel, g.aunt

cousins (sabrina being bullied by sophie)

me n sabrina

sabrina, g.ma n baby cousin xavier

xavier!!! so tiny n dark!!

2008-09-19T13:13:00.002+08:00

er.
i've got nothing much to say,
mayb just...

sorry

guess i wun be blogging much these days.
i just wan to forget.
nah,
stand up again.

it's alrd the worse, so how much worse can it ever get?
to accept it graciously and move on from here,
i will.
do not wallow in self pity.
the race against time has started.

2008-09-13T11:01:00.002+08:00

i'll try to make this a short post,
since im going out pretty soon.
but im pretty sure we're both going to be late =P
so heck.
anw, i had a strange dream last nite.
no im not going to tell u wad it's about.
it's pretty long.
mayb it's a nitemare.
yes, actually i think it was.
at least, part of it.
it was just,
weird.
i cant explain y.
dreams r unexplainable u noe.
whn i awoke i was like wad a crazy dream!
the people in it,
how we're related to one another...
it's just weird.
BOO!
n i seriously wondered y a particular scene actually took place.
that's the craziest part!
n tt can nv happen!
but anw, i can only rmb bits n peices of it lahh.
who rmbs their dreams anw?
only tt particular scene was especially impactful.
it's just weird...
(yah, i said this many times alrd)
sighhh.
her.
you.
her.
me.
chocos.
that stupid scene.
cute little brother.
playground.
ur mom.
herbal tea.
ur fren.
weirdness.
boo! tt's all the bits n pieces. how silly.
RAH.
i dun wan to get invovled in it!

and that's 2 in a row alrd.
im going crazy!!!
and it's super silly!
BOO!
not again tonite please!

2008-09-12T17:38:00.004+08:00

BOO!

i met mj today;

FINALLY.

i hvnt seen her for like super long.

(unless u count tt day whn i coincidentally met her at some bus stop)

hahaha.

n it was just so wonderful!

but anw she was alrd at the mac opposite the library whn i woke up.

so i was supposed to go there to meet her.

n i had to walk from amk central which in my opinion, was quite far.

anw i didnt noe that mac actually existed.

HAHA.

n silly me.

i walked all the way to courts n found out tt there was no bridge for me to cross directly.

RAHHHH!!!

i had to walk more!!!

mj lah! nv tell me whr to cross from!

but anw we went amk library....

TO MUG.

haha.

we were supposed to.

or at least mj was supposed to.

hahaha.

coz she's still hving prelims!

=PP

but we sat at the cafe there so tt it would be more convenient for us to talk.

i mean, we hvnt met for so long,

so of course we had alot to catch up on eh?

=DD

too bad xw couldnt make it.

but i think if she came, mj wouldnt b able to study at all.

HAHA.

coz we'll just keep talking n talking.

see mj,

at least u got to finish ur purple booklet!

^.^

okay, we did a teeny weenie bit of work,

chatted,

lunched,

continued chatting

did some work,

chatted again!

haha,

it was great to reminisce the peixin/anderson life.

yes!

we knew each other since pri sch!

n i noe tt it is very nan de tt we are still so close now.

hmm, before we met i was like still wondering mayb we wouldnt hv much to say since we might hv drifted apart.

thankfully we're still as close!

although we might hv our own circle of frens,

but our frenship still continues!

we talked about how much we missed 2/1'04,

our classmates in pri/sec sch tt we're still in contact wif,

my frens,

her frens,

gossips (HAHA, typical girls),

studies......

n OUR FUTURE!

lol.

mayb we'll both just end up as accountants?

dun take dentistry lah mj!

i hate my dentist!

=pP

okay, our study session ended at 3plus coz mj was complaining tt she was really unproductive thanks to me.

i bet she'll blog bout me!

n how evil i was to distract her!

i swear i didnt!

she automatically talked to me herself!

hahaha.

i took bus wif her to her hse there.

so tt we could take some pics as ji nian.

hahaha.
here they are...

BOO! tt's us! hiding somewhere just to take pic!

uh oh, i cant roll my tongue!

oh yes, forgot to mention tt i saw mr meanie at the library.
HAHA.
fated to see him even whn i dun wan to!>.<
BA!
poor me!
=PP

2008-09-11T10:45:00.002+08:00

BOO.
prelims ended;
finally.
we've all been studying for like one month?
but there wasnt much of a relieved feeling,
nor was there much excitement.
perhaps bcoz next up wil be Alevels alrd.
i really wonder how im going to face it with my weak foundation in some subjects.
like my sciences.
=((
or mayb it's bcoz i hvnt really worked very hard this period of time so the days after prelims just seem like every other day before tt?
rahhh.
i dont know.
i hate this feeling.
i rmb being very familiar wif certain topics for a period of time.
n poof!
now i totally hv zero knowledge of them.
ever had this feeling?
how sickening.
n i have to read them up all over again.
but i guess it's my fault for not revising them regularly enough?
so mayb i shld start doing something to prevent knowledge gained from studying for prelims just slip away like tt..

but on the brighter side,
of coz the end of prelims means some rest for us.
to enjoy, to catch up, to recharge for our last lap.
yes.
movied ytd at cine.
tv-ed and comic-ed whn i got home.
n i really wondered if tt would be wad i'll be doing for the nxt few days before sch starts again.
hahas.
boring huh?
n i wonder y i just refuse to join them for trg.
hmmm, unexplainable perhaps.

anw, i shall drop by my little cousin's house later!
yes, i've decided to coz she's super cute!
but i always get irritated whn i dun understand wad she said.
BOO!
n i shall see if i can date ppl tml!
=DD
haha.
n then i shall pack my room one of these days.
i mean REALLY pack.
i've been procastinating for super long alrd,
since aft promos last yr.
my room's like a rubbish dump.
BOO!
but first, i muz be willing to part wif the things tt i no longer nid.
haha,
my Olevels 10 yr series r still on my bookshelf.
rahhh.
n my geog/ss/bio stuff r all still here.
with the uncountable copies of newsweek tt i was forced to buy in sec 3 n 4.
i hvnt opened to read them!
=/
well, maybe there's where my edusave money went to.
buying magazines tt r chucked at some corner of my shelf;
brand new.
i could hv used the money for better use like another m'sia trip.
HAHA.
tts bcoz i didnt even get to enjoy the trip lah!
-.-

alrights.
enough of crap.
oh yes,
there's math hmwk.
BOO!
these days hv just been really sian.
i wonder y.
am i not happy?
is anything bothering me?
i dont know lahh.
but,
one last sentence,
im grateful for being lucky for many things.

i shall just derive my hapiness from slp...

2008-09-09T16:47:00.009+08:00

physics paper today.

so physics is over!

im left wif chem.

tml.

BOO!

im still trying to make up for my paper 3.

sigh.

the second half of my hols were mostly spent at hme.

hehe.

so guai rite?

okay, but i went to sophie's bdae party on sunday!!!

there was like lots of kids there!

so i tot it would be boring coz i wun noe many of them.

but it proved otherwise!!!

there was bout 10++ kids from 2 yrs old to mayb 12 yrs old?

haha.

n there was this 3 month old baby!

n i happened to find out she's my distant cousin.

BOO!

so i do hv more cousins!

we went swimming!

n i was nice enough to look aft sophie n chealsea in the pool!

n chealsea's bro (i dunno his name) is cute!

he just refused to let go of the edge of the pool!

coz he scared sink.

but he had floats...

haha.

so i was trying to persuade him to let go n assure him tt i'll make sure he doesnt sink.

bleah.

so nice eh me?

hahaha.

he finally trusted me!

FINALY.

but his EVIL big bro pushed him into the water twice!

n he cried the second time.

POOR THING!

but i managed to coax him,

hee =))

n after tt he got less shy n talked to me!

anw, after swimming n eating lots of food,

we playground-ed!

BAH!

n i realised looking after kids is a super difficult task!!!!

they are super energetic!!!!

arhh!!

n seeing them made me feel im so old!!!

n tt's saddening!

=((

i wanna be young again!!!
ahhh..

some pictures!!!

sophie (the birthday girl!!!)

she's holding the prez i gave her! =D

tt's me n her!
she's busy eating apple!
love her lots!!! =))

sophie n granny!!!

me, her n g.aunt! look at her face =P

sophie n chealsea made frens!

tt's some of the kids! ranging from 2 to 5 yrs old!
i envy them!!!!

this is my fav kid!!!
he's the one who refuses to let go!

one last shot before he goes home!

oh yes!
i need lots of luck for tml!!!
arhhh!
but after tml things would get a little better.
n den BOO!
intensive mugging starts again!
=((
okay, mr MEANIE is nicer today but he's still MEAN!
wait till he sees these pics of cute kids!
he'll be jealous!
hehehe!
all the best for tml's last paper!
=DD

i cant wait to day dream, to slp, to tv, to do nothing all day long!
so excited!!!!! =DD

2008-09-04T22:06:00.002+08:00

alrights.
it's holidays now.
n already more than half the hols are gone.
BOO.
tts so fast.
n i hvnt quite studied.
okay.
went out on sunday for shopping.
n again on mon to get presents!
tues went back to sch for consults.
and then went out to celebrate bday!
hahahaha.
the pink cat's super cute!
and thanks ly for going to buy lego wif me!
=D
we window shopped n clone war-ed at kallang.
den dinnered at swensens at ps.
n den had to go home...
awwww...

ytd was spent at home.
trying to do something.
like study.
hahaha.
n i went out wif MR MEANIE today.
shopping was so tiring coz we walked alot;
thanks to him lah.
bring me go far east shopping centre whn we were heading to far east plaza.
hahaha.
but he nid exercise lah.
poor me, hv to exercise wif him.
anw MR MEANIE is so afraid of the sun tt he suggested being white so tt he can reflect heat.
HAHA.
okay.
we went to ps, cine, taka, wisma, far east shopping centre, far east plaza, marina sq, city link n suntec today!
WOW!
so many places lah!
lol!
tts very tiring.
but we ate ben n jerry ice cream.
yay!
chunky monkey!
alrights.
so im tired today!

BOO!

u're ignoring me!

SO BAD!

2008-08-28T21:22:00.002+08:00

BOO!!!
today's like the 'last' day of prelims,
at least for now.
for this term,
although there's still 2 more papers to sit for whn sch starts.
RAHHH.
but it calls for a celebration.
well,
at least i can finally break free from the daily routine of going hme,
hv my lunch,
n the 'study mode' is switched on till the time i go to bed,
with occasional breaks in between.
missing out on all my tv shows...
okay,
i admit i still watch most of them.
n sometimes im simply not in the mood to study,
which makes everything ineffective n inefficient.
wad a waste of my time staring at my notes,
not absorbing anything.
urgh,
but if i dun 'study',
i'll feel guilty.
=((

okay.
prelims started last wed.
gp was okay,
i hope,
although i didnt quite hv the time for AQ.
econs essay was so-so.
i freaked out at some parts n totally didnt noe wad to write.
BOO!
chem was sigh.
i duno wad to say.
i think i felt better during common test even though i didnt study organic at all.
it seems to be a real problem for me;
CHEMISTRY!!!!
math was liddat lor.
it all depends on how careless i was.
n i hope i wasnt too careless.
physics was i dunno lahhh.
wadever i wrote i dunno if it's right.
i just wrote for the sake of filing up the blank pages.
man.
looks like i really nid help for my sciences...

alrights,
prelims aside for now.
today!!!!!
played ball...
thanks to jq, ly n fy.
so i played a bit.
didnt want to at first.
was so tired.
just wanted to slack.
hahaha.
okay, but i ended up playing.
i think i was only a bit more enthu for the very last 2 on 2 we had.
so sorry girls!
u noe me lahhh rite?

went ps after tt to buy tcher's day stuff.
but i left quite soon after tt.
sorry again!
but let's hope tml will be fun =D
yay!
baby clothes r cute!

okay.
last topic of the day.
about this MEANIE.
he reads mean book of mean for meanies!
n tts y he's so mean to me!
he says im fat n short!
hahaha.
he has a nice name though..
BUT there are very rare times whn he's nice.
(wad happened to ur teng n ai!)
he says there's a queue of girls waiting to go out wif him...
well, i doubt it!
i just dun wan to hurt him.
=PP
he thinks girls are troublesome!
>.<
but he jios them anw.
n he likes to read rubbish,
n tt's y this paragraph of rubbish is for him!
see i so nice!
so now, i hv to think of a meaner name for him!
one tt suits him better!
hehehe.

2008-08-09T17:22:00.005+08:00

happy national day!

stayed home today...
it rained.
n the sky's still dark...
well, nothing much today.
so mayb i should talk about ytd?
hmmm.
it was not quite a bad day.
because of
this,
that,
and that.
hahaha.
no lah.
it wasnt as bad as i thought it might hv been.
yupp.
last national day celebrations was spent wif my beloved team =)
yay!
although it wasnt quite fun,
n it was super hot half way through,
it was still the last time i'll be experiencing this?
hmmm.
but we got prety high towards the end whn we sang songs.
i would agree wif marilyn tt the singing n jumping around part was quite high n fun!
=D
there'll not be such chances anymore...
awww...
so so, after the celebrations was stoning around wif jq n fy.
played a tiny bit of ball and looked for mr sham.
hahaha,
it was entertaining!
okay,
i didnt go out wif them.
yes,
i am an idiot.
how many times hv i chosen him over them.
rahhhh....
but but but,
sighhh.
i did feel sad okay =((

so anw we watched MNE2 after lunch,
n there was alot alot of ppl.
it was funny,
but it was pretty sad too.
rahhhh.
n it reminded me of my mom.
n i thought of the so many chances i hv given up to visit her,
the so many excuses i came up with.
'oh i will hv alot of trgs,
eh, i nid to study for exams...
huh! not this hols, mayb dec hols bahh..
errr, go so long arh?'
sighh.
tts super sad...

hmm.
i enjoyed his company...
sometimes i realised i might hv taken it for granted.
rahhh..
i dont know...
but it was a huge relief as he narrated it to me during lunch.
okay,
a big thank you to you, DD.
for not telling DM.
although i know u still disapprove but but,
u 'helped' us by not blowing this up.
n im really thankful for tt.

i dont know how many times we have to go through this,

but know that each time we have to,

i'll be there with u.

hopefully we'll be able to convince them someday.

i so love you.

still sick.
still coughing.
i wan to recover!!!
=((

2008-08-07T20:08:00.002+08:00

national day's coming.
n tt means prelim's really near.
sigh.
there's no more time for me to waste.
n den this has to happen.
sigh.
i found myself staring into space during lessons for the past few days.
work tt i tried to do,
i gave up within seconds.
no mood for anything.
even tv programmes i watch dun appeal to me anymore.
BOO!
i've been slping late for the past few nights as well bcoz of the seventh month dinner n stuff.
just ytd while i was watching the performance,
i asked myself y didnt i just choose to stay at hme.
well,
i didnt noe this would happen.
but anw i hope it turns out fine,
but i cant help but wonder when i'll hv to face it again.
sigh.

i realised all these time i've been critising them.
for the hurtful things they hv done to me.
the discontentment n resent i hv towards them...
so powerful.
so overwheming.
but this time i thought about their stand.
their responsibilities.
if i were them,
perhaps i might hv done the same.
previously i hv always thought their method of dealing wif this was so wrong.
well, i still think somewhat the same.
but it cant be entirely wrong.
at least the reason to why they are doing this can be somewhat justified.
they're just trying to help us aviod more problems in future?
perhaps bcoz they think we'll nv pull through such difficulties in future?
well, i dunno...
but this time i really really hoped he wouldnt tell her.
i really truly hoped he'l be on our side though i knew he was really angry.
rahhhhhhh.
i dun wan go on anymore.
pointless.

anw now all i can do is to hope,
n to cont hoping.
thanks to the few who hv been here for me these past few days!
i hope tml will b a happy day!

n i think im falling sick...
arhhh!!
i dun wan to!

there's a time for grief and a time for joy.
there's a time for tears and a time for laughter.
dont let anything else affect u.
sighhh. one n a half weeks away.
i wonder if i can do it.

2008-07-27T18:04:00.002+08:00

my days have become super sian because i dun seem to lead the usual life i led previously.
nothing motivates me;
at all.
i live each day with the hope that night will come soon.
i lost the only motivation i had.
my nine o'clock drama.
it has ended.
too quickly.
i felt i had learnt quite alot from it.
the most impt thing is i have to learn to treasure.
sometimes,
things or ppl simply leave u,
abruptly.
and tt's whn u regret.
but it doesnt help anymore,
does it.
sighhh.
i want more drama!

but thinking on the positive side,
my nine to ten time slot can be reallocated for work,
instead of drama-ing.
haha.
but whether it's allocative efficient or otherwise is another story altogether.
bleah.
life sucks now.
i live every weekday waiting for weekends to come.
and last week was the last normal time table week we had.
restructured time table starts tml.
mon to wed.
happy?
NAH.
the idea of hving to come back to sch on thurs n fri for remedials n consolidations sucked.
man.
wad's the restructured time table for in that case?
haha,
for wasting my time coming back to sch for ONE SINGLE PERIOD on fri.
wow.
brilliant isnt it.
-.-"

rahhhhh.
now im stuck at my testimonial.
damn.
i hv totally no idea wad to write.
sighhh.
it's worse than hving to write an essay.
essay-
i can just crap n get a lousy grade.
testimonial-
i hv to think of something to impress and im responsible for tt!
no one can help me.

i spent my whole sunday aftn working on my caal stuff n cip reflections n testimonial.
damn.

2008-07-13T19:58:00.002+08:00

hmm,
im here to post again,
which means another week has passed;
so quickly.
it's gd that it was a short week,
with youth day.
n surprisingly,
there wasnt econs consolidation on tues,
even though it was following mon's time table.
wasnt it a miracle?
n there's another miracle,
n that is.....
no consolidation tml too!
=D
okay,
i seem ike an idiot,
being happy over such small things,
but i seriously hate hving to stay back in sch for lessons.
i mean,
more often than not,
my mind keeps drifting away.
so they're such a waste of time,
although they do hv meaningful purposes.
alright.
wed was an early dismissal day coz there was no caal.
^.^
thurs was not quite a long day since there wasnt pe.
but rahhhh.
i didnt do much work coz i think i went out?
=/
fri was yay!
early dismissal too!
12.45?
coz the last period dragged...
but still early rite!
urgh,
but feel sad for me,
bcoz my fridays wun end that early anymore.
=((((
and im still very sad over it.
okay.
i think i should try to change my remedial timing..
rahhhh.
im still suck in physics remedial.
n my percentile's really low.
damn.
n speaking bout this reminds me of my result slip.
it was pretty disapointing.
seeing that my percentile has dropped,
from promos.
okay,
u may say promos was easier?
alright,
it dropped from last year's common test too!
and tt was wad disappointed me.
bleah.
i think my physics and econs got worse...
=(((
RAHH.
okay,
so my last early fri was spent doing math wif kenny.
and so,
i had to revisit matrix.
and learn determinants.
BOO!
and the formula's pretty tough okay!
hahaha.

alrights.
yesterday.
wasnt quite a bad day,
although there was some alumni trg.
hahaha.
=P
it was a bit awkard at first,
coz it's like i hardly talk to the seniors.
but saw mr sham!
haha,
and he asked me y i so long nv visit him!
hehehe.
i shall visit him at his pe office more!
n irritate him!
okay lah,
i so nice,
how can iritate him?
HAHA.
enough crap.
we had some games.
seniors VS juniors.
haha,
n jq was complaining to mr sham tt i hiding among the juniors,
n dun wan join their team.
hmm.
the first game was the hold hands n lay up.
lol!
n i hold adeline's hand!
=O
i think ytd was the first time i talk more to her.
hahaha!
so anw,
i was pretty blur at times during trg.
n i hvnt shot for dunno how long already!
nv train for so long...
it was tiring!
so i kept trying to slack.
hehehe.
now im aching all over.
RAHHH.
mr sham say once a week trg.
hmmm.
i think it shld be pretty fun?
=)
i do hope.
so anw,
i had to leave earlier for sabrina's party.
but like a bit dun wan to leave lehhh.
urgh.
but still had to leave lah!
n lucky i was on time.
the party was just liddat lor.
eat only.
coz i dunno her frens oso.
so young n annoying!
anw my aunt said tt i seemed to be the bday girl coz i keep taking pics.
lol!
i had nothing to do mahh.
okay lah.
tt's all.

today was boring.
HOMEWORK.
HOMEWORK.
and MORE HOMEWORK.
n there's physics test tml.
i think im going to flunk it again.
crap.
i always think this way.
den i dun feel like studying already.
coz either way,
i'l stil fail?
damn.
sch tml.
sucks.

oh yes!
idiot jq told me tt she at the end of the train n make me walk there,
end up she was at the middle lah!!
n i forgot to slap her for that!
hahaha.
or shld i forgive her for hving no sense of direction?
=P
okay lahh.

see u next weekend.

2008-07-07T12:59:00.002+08:00

HAPPY YOUTH DAY =))
and HAPPY [1 day] BELATED BIRTHDAY MARILYN!

yay! it's youth day.
so i had a looong weekend.
but of coz that's not enough.
woke up this morning thinking DAMN, nid to wake up early tml alrd!
rahhhh!
okay, the past week was just the same.
the start of the week sucked.
bcoz mon n tues end super late.
around 5.30 n 4.30.
n i realised since i end late on mon n tues,
wed n thurs after sch time is spent on rushing homework.
overdue,
to be dued.
wadever wadever.
so fri always makes me happy.
bcoz i tend to go out aft sch on fri!
whee.
i watched get smart finally,
jy was advertising it for weeks.
=.="
ohoh.
i had dental on wed which made me very pissed;
seriously.
they were simply too inefficient.
i wasted around 45mins waiting to for the senior consultant.
BLEAH.
i was very tempted to tell the new doc tt i'll just fix another appointment wif her.
okay,
but i didnt.
n it still sucks bcoz i was in pain for close to 3 days after tt.
my gum hurt,
my teeth too!
n my throat sored like crazy.
RAHHHH.
but i cant blame anyone except myself?

saturday was slack coz i decided to do minimal work n take a break.
so i slept alot!
=)
ytd we went to celebrate marilyn's birthday at ponggol jetty.
hahaha.
n today, i rushed thru some work.
those tt die die muz hand up or do one if not will gt scolded.
=/
going out shopping for sabrina's prez n for dinner late.
i hope this week wil be a better week.
yay! im looking forward to wed thur fri!
coz i end quite early?
tt's wad im hoping
=P

motivate me!
gogogo!

2008-06-28T16:43:00.004+08:00

pictures tt i owe jq n ly...

from the 2 movies.

one b4 sch started and the other ytd =)

ytd was a great day bcoz sch ended early!

pretty jq wif the popcorns she has

generously donated to the ground!

ly, jq and me after the movie-
dont mess wif the zohan

us again ytd, after watching WANTED.

2008-06-28T16:20:00.002+08:00

oh well.
i've been thru a week of sch...
n it's been pretty dull;
and disappointing.
hmmm.
days seemed long,
while nites passed so quickly.
i hvnt got much slp and i cant believe i actually had to sacrifice my almost entire tv time for my hmwk =((
rahhh.
so much to do.
so little time left.
sometimes i wonder how much i'm actually capable of completing.
i dont want to study last min anymore.
tts wad i keep telling myself.
but everytime i find myself dreaming during lects,
stoning during tutorials,
i ask myself den y am i still procrastinating;
y am i wasting precious time.
bleah.
ct results hv really shown me how weak i am.
how much effort i've actually put in.
well,
i can still try to "deceive" myself this time by thinking tt i was busy wif bball at tt time n still recovering from everything.
yes.
it may be.
or it may not.
but i noe i definitely dun hv this excuse for prelims anymore.
so i really nid to get started.
n yes!
lauren gave me a motivation to work hard for chemistry this time round!
let's hope this motivation lasts.

so my results...
chem was pretty much expected since i gave up on it n didnt study organic.
physics was expected too coz i just couldnt concentrate on it over the wkend before the paper.
bleah.
n no miracle happened.
which explains my rubbish grade.
econs was SIGH.
i noe i screwed up but rahhh, i was hoping it would be okay, but it wasnt.
leaving me wif math, my only hope which truned out quite disappointing.
bleah.

okay,
there's going to be econs consolidation lect on mons.
n tt means i end super late.
tues there's chem so i end late too.
fri's the only hopeful day i hv left.
n i really hope no other subjects will hv remedials on this day!
or i'll really go mad!

hmmm.
well,
i thought over wad u wrote n yeah,
i guess i was a bad fren.
eh,
i still am.
but sometimes i really dun wan to be the only one u depend on...

ahhhh.
i hv gp essay to do n i still hv started. im supposed to finish by dinner time!
y do i suck at gp...

2008-06-22T20:10:00.002+08:00

it seems like sch's starting.
really soon.
like in 24 hrs i'd be at lect already.
sigh.
i wonder how i will manage to get myself out of my bed tml morning.
5.40am.
it seemed so long ago whn i had to wake up at this time.

urgh.
i went for haircut ytd n it turned out pretty bad.
so i dun wan to go to sch tml!
=((
i dun know how to tie my hair!
arhhhh!
im so looking forward to the nxt weekend!
BOO!
i hvnt studied for tml's chem n econs test...
so dead.
lessons end very late tml bcoz of econs consolidation.
RAHHH.

2008-06-20T21:53:00.002+08:00

AHHHH.
2 more days n sch starts.
crap.
i hvnt had enough.
n it seems like everyone else thinks the same...
sigh.
our suffering starts again.
so i muz spend my last weekend fruitfully.
so maybe i shldnt do any more work.
hahaha.

went out on tues to watch narnia;
prince caspian.
it turned out not bad lah.
coz i tot mayb i would doze off coz i dunno the story at all.
hmmm.
den coincidentally met jy at the same cinema!
=.="
so shocked!
n her seat was right beside mine!
hahaha.

wed was spent at hme.
there was class outing but okay,
i ended up not going.
rahhh.

ytd went out wif jq n ly!!!
urgh.
n expectedly they both late.
kae lah.
jq wasnt that late.
=P
so went wif her to buy tickets first.
supposed to watch incredible hulk but ly insisted over the phone tt she wanted to watch u dont mess wif the zohan.
so we watched it,
even though we sat at the first row.
hahaha.
it was very funny lah.
not bad lor.
but we gt cheated of our popcorn!
we gt the family combo coz jq say if i eat lovers' combo wif her very weird.
but anw,
the family combo was really small!
RAHHH.
n jq shared some of our popcorn wif the floor too!
so gt even less popcorn whn we settled down!
haha.
clumsy ly somehow dropped her jumbo hotdog on jq's bag during the movie...
XD
aft movie,
we dinner-ed at subway.
chatted...
n of coz they bullied me lah!
>.<
den jq had to go trg alrd...
hmm,
though very short time spent tgt,
but it was gd to see them again!!
arhhhh!
miss those days whn we hv to face one another almost everyday during the hols!

today was shopping wif g.aunt!
hahaha.
but i didnt buy anything!
sad hor?
im very sad!
coz i didnt get to go popular.
BOO!
mayb i shall insist on dropping by popular tml.
but i shall go cut my hair first.
hehe.

yay!
may the time stop now so tt sch wun start.
oh btw,
i received this forwarded msg tt said,
juz a reminder, mon lect test on bonding n inorganic.
at first glance i tot,
oh, lect topic on bonding n inorganic.
n then i read again n i got a shock.
BLEAH.
it's NOT even a reminder lah!
>.<
i only learnt about the test whn i read the msg.
tt's the FIRST time i heard bout the test.
man.
inefficient.
so im not going to be bothered wif it.
rahhh.
i think i rather not get the msg.
den i'll hv a better reason for flunking tt test.
bleah.
cant they just do some revision on the first day of sch?
muz they test us again?
hvnt we just had our common test b4 the hols came?
i so hate sch.
n i think im scared of sch;
really.
=((

happy 44 dbb!

2008-06-16T14:12:00.002+08:00

feel so sian diao.
perhaps it bcoz it the last wk of hols already.
RAHH.
i've been slacking for the past 3 days.
fri was coz i was demoralised by the hci paper.
so i totally gave up n decided not to do anything for tt day.
sat morning rotted at junior's trg.
felt abit sick actually.
=/
after tt i went hme n just slept.
dun feel like eating anything oso.
=.="
and i had 12 hours of slp tt nite.
ytd i just watched tv,
slacked around...
bleah.
n slept alot!
another 12 hours.
im feel better now.
back to normal i guess.
feeling-less.
stuck at hme.
rotting again.
facing tv, table, bed and work.
damn.
no life.
n no one cares.

neither do i.
i dun care if i can complete my work;
afterall it's impossible to finish.
i dun care if im going to do nothing for the rest of my hols,
i just want to do wad i want.
i dun care about anything;
nothing affects me for now.
damn.
no one cares anw.
think im going to isolate myself.
bleah.
>.<
cant describe how i feel.
just wan to shout it out.
RAHHHH.

seriously.
no one cares!
and i hate it!
okay fine.
maybe im at fault.

i seek my dream.
all tt i want.
and no one's going to stop me.

2008-06-12T21:55:00.002+08:00

feeling back to normal already!
but im pissed.
tt i cant slp as much n as well as the first one n a half wk of june hols.
think i slept too much n did too little.
so i end up hving too much rest and energy.
sometimes i cant fall aslp!
n bleah,
i wake up like at 7 or 8!
=.="
lastest 10.
growl!
so angry!

hmmm.
stay hme ytd.
it's boring facing repeated programmes and papers.
BOO!
movie-d today.
whee!
but the cinema was kind of full.
rahhh.
but nvm,
i was waiting to watch it.
so it's worth it.
=)
it was really humourous.
anw i think im a boring person.
lol.

yeah.
tt's all.
staying hme again tml.
to be a "gd" girl.
hahaha.
yay!
kenny owes me a meal now!
BOO!

crazy post

2008-06-10T16:00:00.002+08:00

BOO.
im normal again.
yay yay yay.
i dun wan to dash again like last nite.
rahhh.
painful thoughts.
emotions.
the horrid life now.
the one before.
crap.

kae.
all tt's not for anyone to understand.
watch kung fu panda ytd...
anw it's gd tt she's not angry.
went sp dis morning before meeting tws to collect my shirt.
and the way back reminded me of some stuff so i dashed again.
BOO!
so so so.
i buried myself in work.
obviously i cant quite concentrate.
but wad else can i do?
okay.
i've successfully finished a physics paper 2.
haha.
not quite successful but i attempted it at least!
now i shall do some math.
hopefully i'll feel better by dinner.

5 days is looooong!
:((
let it pass quick!
but thinking of it again,
maybe i shld do get some work done this wk so tt i can enjoy the lst week of hols!
my motivation!

2008-06-08T18:10:00.003+08:00

well,
it seems like almost half my holidays are gone;
so fast.
2 weeks left,
to do so many things!
to go shopping.
to go movie.
to meet up.
to clear my room.
to arcade.
to finish homework.
to get a sense of satisfaction.
BLEAH.

the past wk...
mon was watching the juniors train.
den speed racer-ed.
i think the name's quite cool!
and nothing much.

tues was dental followed by shopping.
i bought my slippers
=)
oh,
poor me.
my dentist gratuated so im going to change dentist.
eeek.

wed was just rotting at hme.

thurs went out for lunch and tried to get some work done at mc donalds.
i was very tempted to watch movie again though i dun think they're really nice.
i'll most likely fall aslp?
okay.
went popular too.
whee~

fri stoned at hme again.

ytd there was the house warming thing.
the house was pretty just tt the rooms were rather small.
but the buffet was great!
haha.
the food was nice!
VERY.

today was just watching tv.
watch n watch though i watched it twice this week.
lol.

rahhh.
i wanna go out more nxt week.
but i dunno whether i can!
>.<
well well.
there's still alot for me to do coz i hvnt touched chem at all.
i finished about one physics paper.
one math paper.
and i tried my best for hypothesis testing.
well,
i stil suck at it.
GRRR.

2008-06-01T21:34:00.002+08:00

today marks the end of the first week of june hols.
im not exactly happy coz i think it'd be better if the time stopped at the time whn we were stil chalet-ing.
but i noe it's not up to me to decide anyway.
okay.
i clocked 11 hours of slp!
n i went shopping wif g.aunt this aftn!
yes.
we were supposed to be shopping for her stuff,
but i ended up being the one buying more stuff.
i told her tt's bcoz she's too fussy;
and im very easy going.
haha.
i tried finding a suitable jacket,
but couldnt find one which i really liked,
so i decided against wasting mom's money.
but i bought a pair of shorts and some phone asccessories.
they were really cheap!
coz it was sales;
i so love SALES!
rahahaha.
we were oso shopping for a housewarming prez for g.uncle n family.
g.aunt took such a long time choosing so i decided to like choose for her?
i suggested quite alot of random stuff.
and tt included a BIG dustbin.
lol.
my g.aunt commented,"where gt ppl give dustbin one! next time u gt ur own house warming deni buy u dustbin okay?"
hahaha.
shopping wif g.aunt was very entertaining.
not just today,
i think most of the time.
if she gave me more freedom,
i think i'd love her more.
=/
but i think im getting more now.
i mean,
i could go for the chalet,
meaning close to 4 days she had no idea wad i was doing at an end of the island.
except for that one phone call to find how if i was fine and asking me to enjoy myself.
so i guess g.aunt's quite nice actually?

g.ma wasnt home whn we gt back.
n aunt said some family stuff happened n g.ma went to help.
she added that she sounded really sad whn she spoke to her over the phone.
well,
i pity her.
she's always the one clearing up the mess whn things happen.
a mediator;
a helper.
i cant help but think of those times whn i reached hme quite late and she tried to cover up for me.
or the times whn i sneaked out of the house w/o g.aunt knowing,
she always tried to help.
i just hope she can hv a break of all these.
really.

anw my phone's getting cranky again.
damn.
this means tt i either hv to give up msging (which is like my life!),
or make do wif the old egg phone (so difficult to use!).
so declare i wan a new phone!
but i wan a player too.
so a phone or a player?
im still thinking.

phone bill burst again.
not a few bucks but close to fifteen.
this means $46 plus $30.
tts how much mom's paying for my and solely my phone bill.
u can imagine how she'll react whn she knows bout this.
so i kinda dread her phone call now coz she' going to nag at me.
oh,
tt reminds me,
i dreamt tt she wanted to come back during this june hols n i was so hoping she would change her mind.
i wonder y i hoped tt.
im bad.
im selfish.
i dun wan her back coz i wan to go out with my frens+dino.

i hope tml will be a gd day!

there's trg tml.
so i tot i shld drop by.
not to train,
but mayb to just be there?
lol.
so i guess i hv to slp,
though my slping habit has changed quite alot since chalet.

reply please. im waiting. rahhhhh.

2008-05-31T12:38:00.005+08:00

urgh.
im bored already.
when im only up for like 45 mins.
i clocked close to 12 hours of slp again.
YAY!
haha.
and when i woke up,
i dun rmb dreaming of the bballers!
=)
heex.

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY YK, BERNARD and FF!

HAPPY BELATED TWS!

2008-05-30T20:43:00.002+08:00

it felt so great slping,
slping,
and slping!
ytd aftn slept for 3 hours.
den i slept a bit before 10 last nite until 9 plus!
it's like i nv wake up at all.
den i opened my eyes at 9plus,
replied msgs and slept again.
till 12!
my g.aunt had to call.
though i didnt hear the house phone ring,
i was woken up by cousin to answer the phone.
RAHHH.
i could hv slept longer!

anw,
i dreamt of the bballers!
AGAIN!
but wif the guys this time.
most of them were like playing water in a river.
a river wif hippos!
lol!
den ly, lauren n i not in the river.
with a few guys.
we were just watching.
den lauren n i saw this CREATURE in front of lx i think.
so we shouted for her to stop moving forward.
but think she nv hear.
den she touched it i think.
haha.
she was very shocked.
den i woke up already!

rahhh.
silly dream.
of ppl who matters to me.
so fine.
it's supposed to be a gd thing.
since i cant see them as often during the hols now.
BOO!
i wan to see them everyday!!!
okayokay.
im starting to whine again.

BOO!
i miss them already!
gosh,
just one day.

2008-05-29T14:08:00.011+08:00

4 days of chalet seemed long whn i tot of it.
but it's really sad that im home now,
back from chalet at aloha changi.
the 4 days were great;
in the sense that i could keep sch work away from my mind,
rotting away,
staring blankly at the ceiling...

we met at tampines mrt on mon aftn.
shopped in the supermarket for bbq stuff and lots of food!
i dun quite rmb wad we did whn we reached the chalet.
(half way through this post i rmbed we watched incredible tales)
but basically we spent tt evening preaparing for bbq!
ate quite alot of pineapple rice prepared by fy,
and i quite like her potato salad!!
=)
seniors came down.
played silly games.
did shocking forfeits.
mr sham, mr lee n coach came down too.
felt very entertained by mr sham's n coach's conversation.
we ate.
played ps2.
mah jong-ed till the nxt morning.
eh.
no,
i slept at around 4am.
the rest slept at 7.30am.
haha.

woke up n stoned.
ordered pizza for lunch.
basically we just watched dvds, mah jong-ed, ps2-ed, played cards and slept until late evening.
there werent many of us left at the chalet.
just 5girls n 5 guys.
went tampines mall for our first proper meal.
den watch indiana jones.
it was quite boring at first but it got more exciting somewhr lah..
managed to catch the last bus back to chalet.
jq, ly, veron n hy came back.
didnt noe wad to do...
ps2-ed at first.
got tired.
so jq n i watched saw3.
den bernard n song ghee n hy joined in.
ly and veron were on the sofa slping,
waking up occasionally.
haha.
after saw3,
watched big mama house 2.
n tt idiot jq slp!
>.<
left me, hy n bernard.
ah long pte ltd aft tt.
jq woke up.
but i slept coz i just watched it wif marilyn that aftn.
but anw,
tts not the point.
point is tt i stayed up!
hahaha.
only went to the bed to slp at around 6.30am.
an achievement!!

woke up.
ps2-ed AGAIN.
went to changi village for lunch b4 renting bikes.
haha.
we thought it would be fun cycling.
we cycled at changi beach.
attempted to go to east coast but decided to do it after dinner instead.
so we played at the playground.
it was damn fun!
seriously!
though i think i looked like an idiot;
totally!
rahhh!
went back to the chalet to rest before going to play bball.
dinner-ed.
went back chalet.
left at around 10.26pm.
cycled to east coast.
it was around 12.30 whn we got to mcdonalds for supper.
by then already quite tired n our butts were so painful!
n we stil had to cycle all the way back!
took another 2 hours or so.
got back at around 4am.
jq, lauren, veron n hy slept.
marilyn n ly attempted to watch transformers with the guys.
leaving me n lx hving nothing to do
=P
so we played cards with bernard while talking crap.
the guys got big bed!
very shuang!
so while waiting for veron n hy to wake up,
lx n i lay on the bed.
haha.
disturbed jq;
or rather,
irritated her.
HEE.
coz she was slping n lx n i kept talking to her n wake her up.
but she won anw.
coz we decided to be nice n slp wif her.
=D

it was just checking out whn we woke up.
followed by lunch at tampines mall.
den home.
so fast hor?
AHHHH!

highlights of the chalet!
1) the super funny pig game we played wif seniors on the first nite!
2) the forfeit folowing the game...
3) the conversation btw mr sham n coach while they played NBA on the ps2! (argue argue argue)
4) very nice movie watched :)
5) left YOU and ME who survived the movie marathon on the second nite! wahahaha.
6) cycling!!!!! (it would hv been better if our buts didnt hurt)
7) swinging on the swing!
8) our "TEAM BONDING session" at the SEESAW! damn funny!!! but very fun too!
9) stupid blind mice game which made me looked like an idiot >.<
10) veron and jq's double seater bike crashing into the bushes! hahaha.
11) looking at planes taking off n landing!! the feeling's shuang!!
12) poking and irritating dear jq with our very random topics just to get her stop slping (though we failed), asking her to choose between us (gosh, we seem so desperate!) and telling her to ride the extra bike back to the rental shop n to get breakfast for us on the way. HAHAHA. sorry for irritating u jq! but no more chance already!

so,
a record!
slept at 3am first nite.
6.30am on the second n third nites.
hahaha.
chalet's meant to be a chance for the "always so HIGH" jq to disturb the "always slp at 10pm valerie" and stop her from slping.
but well,
seems like it has become the other way eh jq?
=P
im sure u're impressed by me!
hahaha.
okay.
this is really sad.
coz this hols is going to be different;
totally!
coz i wun be seeing u ppl almost everyday!
urgh.
im off to slp now.
got to clock back the hours i sacrificed during the chalet to add more life to the dead nite!

pics tt r in my phone from the chalet....
(there're some nice photos wif ly, i'll try to get them!)

fy n me!!!

me n lauren!

a nicer pic of us...

stoning at mac's at east coast park after cycling there...

being random...

being random again.
but meaningful!

that's ly with her HAPPY MEAL TOY!

after eating....

see how tired we are cycling there?
veron's on the phone again!

tt's marilyn.
see how much she ate!
hahaha =P

me with my milo.
yes, now everyone thinks i very zi lian!
=((

see how bored i was?

2008-05-26T12:58:00.003+08:00

hmmm.
chalet's here!
=)
n i think i overpacked;
again!
GRRR.
anw the team bag is so big!
n im so small.
so i think i look weird bringing it.
argh.
but whatever.
too late to transfer everything into bag pack now.
leaving at 1.30.
is it too late?
hahaha.
nvm,
bet they'l be late too
=P
shall go hv lunch before leaving with my big bag!
urgh.
they're going to laugh at me again!!!
BYE.

2008-05-25T10:52:00.002+08:00

this LAUREN TAN arhh!!!
okay,
correction,
it's STUDEL.
rahhh.
i shall still REFUSE to watch NOISE.
eeek!
sad already rite lauren? =P

it felt weird playing ball again,
finally.
hvnt touched the ball since the last match.
haha.
but ytd's gathering was pretty fun lah.
with lauren n i hoping to be able to slack...
and not to get the ball.
hoho.

supposed to be going shopping today.
but,
change of plans.
RAHHH.
just going to collect g.aunt stuff den go to sophie's house swim.
okay,
she finally came back after like half a yr?
she dun recognise me already!
>.<
anw,
no shopping means no jacket.
no slippers.
no popular.
no gifts.
no seeing of new phones.
no buying of anything!
arhhh!
but nvm,
i shall wait till next weekend bah.
=)
got to go pack chalet stuff now.
chalet's tml!!!!! ^.^

2008-05-24T13:48:00.004+08:00

urgh.
so bored!
this morning i woke up,
hving a werid feeling in me.
the first tot that came to me was...
holidays le...
eh!
but i think it'll be quite different.
coz i wun be seeing jq, ly, fy, marilyn n lauren so often already!
arhhhh!
will i survive?
=P
anw photos!!!

the mickey mouse box! i SO love it! =D

let's peep inside the box!
these are from the bball girls! ^.^

the other prez...
choco's from jim.
the rest from serene n jy...
=)

will be going out soon for the bball gathering.

haha.

so see u!

2008-05-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

okay.
a short post.
im lazy.
common tests were over since tues.
and yes i noe i hvnt blogged.
tt's y i said im lazy.
it's like i've gt nothing to do but yet i still refuse to blog.
hehe.

after ct, i've just been going out going out going out.
the feeling's kind of great.
coz it's like u dun hv to mug the whole aftn anymore.
u dun hv to feel guilty of not spending ur free time on ur notes.
but i noe i'll still hv to do tt very soon.
whn term starts again.
but this hols i'll just hv my last enjoyment before i begin my journey;
seriously.
urgh.
but i think i'll still be procrastinating whn terms starts
=/
so anw i went out wif ff n jy on wed for IRONMAN and BUFFET (yes again, sick of it now).
den met jq, ly n lauren in sch to go queensway.
as for thurs i went to develop some NICE photos and went to sch for fy's bday surprise!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FANG YU!

hahaha.
this is for tonite coz i wun be msg-ing u
=P

today was kind of slack.
lects went thru cts.
had free period gc.
den break.
free period physics.
so nice!
had math after tt.
we ended up enjoying the entire lesson by
1) guessing whr he went last wk
2) which qns he set
3) which qn he marked
hahaha!
n tt's our math period.
our sch ended after tt.
slacked in sch b4 going to eat apple studels!!
chatted there for quite long.
like until a bit aft 5.

yuppp.

anw,
sigh.
it bothers me.
it really did.
sometimes i wonder if i made things worse for u.
i feel so helpless at times.
but it's not within my control.
i just feel really sorry for u.
i dun really noe wad i can do to help u.
i just hope there's something i can do..

1day down.

at least 6 more to go.

i SO love u.

hahaha.

2008-05-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

it's been quite some time i know.
post still stuck on college day.
but i've been quite busy.
yes.
busy TRYING to study for common tests.
hvnt really succeeded in my attempt to do so.
man.
i hvnt quite done anything this weekend n im feeling kind of weird.
but a gd thing's tt i have tml to do as much as i can for myself.
and a better news would be tt tues's the last paper!
4 papers down, one last one to go!
enough bout common tests.
i'll just keep my fingers crossed.

alright.
to the highlight.
TODAY.
18 may 2008.
the second consecutive year tt the bball girls made it unforgettable for me.
^.^
first few bdae msgs i looked at b4 i went to slp were from lauren, yk, jq, bernard, peter, jim and samuel.
haha.
but there were msgs to my other number as well. just tt i didnt check =P
from fy, melissa, xw n ly?
plus marilyn's lost msg.
hehe.
a monster ate up ur msg!
anw thanks so much to u ppl for msging me at midnight.
and i hope i didnt leave out anyone...
g.ma woke me up at 9 plus to give me a red packet.
lol.
i was so reluctant to wake up so she just left it on the bed.
and then mom called.
so fine,
had to wake up.
grrrr.
--------------------------------------------------------------
bought 1831.
too bad it didnt come out.
awww.
but still gt chance!
3118!
hahaha.
went for uncle's wedding.
noel was so bored waiting for me to come.
he called me like 3 times!
>.<
hmm.
he gt a new phone for his bdae.
im waiting for august to come.
i want new phone too!
but something tts holding me back from getting one is tt i'll lose all my msges!
that's VERY sad.
okay.
buffet was fine.
after eating,
noel n i were entertained by our silly grandaunties and grand uncles talking about buying 4d.
their conversations were really funny!
all so old.
den blur blur one.
den they like gt miscommunication liddat.
it was quite funny!
so noel n i laughed like idiots.
sabrina n melvin were entertaining as well.
after tt jiu go hme le.
and i did a bit of physics unless i gt quite tired.
so i tried reading nuclear physics on my bed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was reading reading until i hear this strange noise outside the hse.
at first i tot y my neighbour talk on the phone must stand outside my hse talk.
den for quite long.
so i opened the door to go out.
den suddenly no more sound.
so i tot my neighbour left.
so i go back into my rm.
den after tt got again!
=.="
so i ask my g.aunt gt hear a not.
she told me mayb my ear gt problem.
n even if gt i shldnt be so busybody.
hahaha.
but i stil went out to see anw.
though i scared i'll paiseh if really gt ppl outside the hse.
den i saw this box outside!
O.o
my name lehhh.
O.O
gosh.
dun tell me they are here!
-hesitates and then peers out from hse-
i saw #10!
HAHA.
TAN JIE QI!
went out of the hse to check.
saw lauren running up the stairs.
HAHA!
she was wif marilyn, li xin n trudy.
veron n huiyi took lift.
den i asked them jieqi leh?
they said jq nv come.
all the j2s nv come.
o.O
i tot i saw #10?
bluff!
anw they made me open the box to find this phone inside.
told me it was a new phone they gt for me.
o.O
cost alot tts y they MADE pandan cake for me.
hahaha.
dun believe!
>.<
but no choice.
hv to pretend to believe.
hehehe.
after tt they went my room...
saw alot of my pics.
arhhhhh!
idiot g.aunt still show them the modelling one!
RAHHHH!
okay n then ling yi n jq popped out from dunno where.
gt this big mickey mouse box!
very nice!!!!!!
^.^
hahaha.
actually the presents inside all very nice lah!
hmm.
den ling yi ask me show her the way to the toilet.
gt motive one okay!
after tt they made me go back to my room.
say wad open present.
i went in.
lights were off.
den i was thinking...
how come the cupboard there gt light one arh?
dim light.
my g.aunt gt buy new light meh?
how come i dunno one...
den i saw FANGYU with bday cake!!!
haha.
think this was quite a surprise to me.
so they sang bdae long very loudly.
ate the cake...
den my g.aunt ask them stay for dinner.
alot of them cant.
but jq say okay.
hahaha.
think she regretted saying it after tt =P
well well.
lauren, fy, ly, marilyn n trudy left.
jq, veron, hy n lx stayed for dinner.
coz they think a bit bad if they all leave?
i was feeling quite guilty by then.
felt quite weird.
esp after jq say she not going to talk to me anymore coz i hai her nv read her remaining chapters of physics...
so so so sorry!
this weird feeing stayed for a while lahh.
den gt a bit better after msging each of them to thank them.
well.
they just now keep asking me happy a not.
touched a not.
haha...
i a bit bad at expressing how i feel mahhh.
right?
like u all oso didnt noe u all mattered so much to me until season ended?
rahhhh.
i may not show it but u all noe im very touched n happy de rite?
URGH.
dun make me say it!
>.<

i noe u ppl spent alot of ur time for this surprise =)
i noe u ppl could hv spent the time better on other stuff like mugging =))
i noe u ppl love me tts y u all sacrificed ur precious time to make this a more special day! =P
thanks a million, trillion, zillion!
for ur time,
for ur effort,
for racking ur brains to think of how to surprise me.
really happy,
really touched.
just dunno how to show it...
and all 9 of u ppl came!!!
xiexie!!!

but at a point of time,
there was a moment when i tot...
maybe i shouldnt hv mentioned tt the wedding dinner was not dinner but lunch.
tt would hv saved u ppl from the trouble....
=((

it was a gd thing that u ppl came;

so tt my g.aunt could really picture wad kind of life i lead whn im wif u ppl.

like wad we usually do, y im always late in going hme etc etc.

and maybe she'll understand better.

but it was a bad thing as well for u ppl to experience how my g.aunt's like...

once again,
thank you girls for adding another page to my memories!

pics will be up after tues =P
oh ya.
should oso thank sabrina for her random present!
hahaha.

2008-05-04T21:04:00.006+08:00

college day ytd.
it was kind of fun.
hahaha.
coz it wasnt as formal as last yr's like ly said.
went to sch early coz jq said they were playing ball.
rahhh.
but there was only jq, ly n hy.
den jq had to leave quite early.
so ly n i were kind of bored.
the time finally came n we went to lt1 to report.
finally at like 4.45 den proceed to hall.
haha.
n we had to checked by a tcher to see if we look presentable!
LOL.
n left the lt.
went to find jq.
ly n i walked here n there.
it was so funny.
hoho.
finally found jq!
n ly n i were like shunning mrs yeo!
a thrilling experience actually.
we hung out there.
helped take the plates down to the lab.
den we went to eat!
=D
yum yum.
wanted to take pics.
but we were short of fy n jq.
did alot of silly things while waiting for them.
and finally we took a group photo!
YAY!
cw2 is happy now!
hahaha.
loking forward to tml's outing! ^.^

the pics taken with my phone ytd...
those taken wif ly's camera nxt time den i post =)

tt's bernard. we were so bored waiting in lt1 until we resorted to doing this...

me n lingyi at lt1! =D

jieqi and me! ^.^

fangyu, jieqi, lingyi and me!
i SO love u ppl! =P

there's more photos to come...!

gt one is bernard n i with our ying tao xiao zhui.

one is lauren n i with our small mouths!

and many many zi lian pics of ly n i!

i so love taking photos now!

13 more hours!!! gogogo!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anw im pissed now.

idiotic cousin didnt bathe the whole day n lie on my bed aft coming hme!

she's so sticky and dirty lah!

RAHHHH.

and my g.aunt's blaming me for not rmbing some stupid password which i didnt noe existed.

and it was so long ago!

and it's not even my account!

damn!

a big quarrel

2008-05-03T09:14:00.007+08:00

ytd was an interesting day.

one which i experienced many feelings in just 24 hours.

early morning,

i was happy to go to sch to meet ppl i hvnt seen for a day.

reached sch.

got a shock.

saw some note that said something like "u may think u look familiar here..."

so i tot,

another bday celebration for someone!

but heck,

i'll nv noe tt person.

den i found myself looking at this picure that really seemed familiar.

it was jq!

gosh.

den i tot,

haha,

they playing a trick on jq again,

poor jq.

and then,

i saw fy's picture!

how come sabo jq oso gt fy's pic?

weird.

looked again n URGH.

mine!

O.O

RAHHHH!!!

gt a big shock.

didnt noe how to react,

but so paiseh.

walked to grandstand and saw the juniors preparing balloons and stuff..

hmmm?

wad were they doing.

well,

it turned out they were hving some farewell thing for us!

so sweet.

there was this wall at the bbal court tt had all our ugly pics.

n the juniors wrote me a song!

anw we were late for assembly.

hmm.

our last time b4 stepping down that we're late for assembly.

veron n hy were drawing on a balloon for us.

but a really strong wind blew it away and it gt stuck at some place tt we hv no access to,

after which another strong wind came,

the balloon flew n burst.

our hearts ached.

haha.

but it's the thoughts that count!

lessons tt day were alright.

since it was just double lect with ly n jq.

and then double tut with ly, ff and jy.

it was a short day but we had physics remedial.

i just stoned bcoz i was really tired.

helped jq wipe the glasses for college day which ly helped with the washing.

hoho.

n we had the cca relay heats.

i didnt really run well..

rahhh.

n i so blame myself.

thanks fy for the drink aft the run.

we had elections.

interviewed for hours.

thinking hard with the best interest for the 2009 team.

finally decided the excos.

so,

to the excos,

"with great power comes great responsibility".

i hope that u ppl will lead the team well n let it soar to greater heights!

the j2s said their last words b4 stepping down and it was quite sad...

the juniors presented us with a hand-made cake each after that.

so sweet! =)

this is the cake they gave me! can make out the words?

hmmm.
after all these farewell stuff, it was really late.
and i guess that was y i got myself into big trouble again.
13 missed calls.
u were SO angry.
n i knew that was it.
i tried explaining but u nv wanted to accept the explanations i gave.
u nv gave urself a chance to understand,
u nv gave me a chance to help u understand.
at that moment,
i thought to myself,
was i really that bad?

i was upset that u didnt understand me enough.
hurt that u didnt even bothered listening to wad i had to say...
disappointed that u gave me no chances.
and i finally broke down;
after the call.
u team mates got ur wish.
u saw me cry.
but i noe the reason behind y i cried wasnt quite wad u ppl wanted.
but still,
the tears were genuine;
just for a different reason.
cab-bed hme;
yet again.
crying all the way hme.
on the way back,
issues i tot i had already come to terms with came back to me.
if only mom was here,
i would hv had more freedom.
there would be no nid for me to waste money cabbing hme.
no nid for me to run hme from bus stops.
no nid for me to explain y i wasnt hme on time.
no nid for my reasons to be thrown back at me.
and if only i was still living in b.p.
in the house i can call my own.
i really hate staying here.
it seems like im just renting this room for me to slp and study.
i hate going back to something tt's not mine everyday...
but there's really nothing i can do...
==============================================
cried again in the showers.
thinking that she'll nv understand me.
thinking of wad i had done wrong.
and y couldnt she just accept the fact that this is how jc life's going to be.
she ignored me whn i tried talking to her.
n i tried again after dinner.
she finally responded by flaring up.
and the one sided quarrel started with her fierce scoldings and with me just listening to them.
many times she mentioned basketball.
disapproving it.
i really wanted to tell her how wrong she was when she made all these nasty comments.
but i held back.
there was no point in me making her angrier by talking back,
and she wouldnt listen to me anyway.
her tears showed that she cared for me.
and i accepted the fact that i was wrong not to keep my phone with me.
i admit that i've been going home late these days,
but my reason behind is that i just want to spend more time with my team;
but she'l nv understand.
after all the scoldings we didnt talk again.
my tear drops fell like rain last night.
but i got a clearer picture of wad she expects of me.

and i promised myself;
this is going to be the last time i'll ever make her angry again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

here's the pics i owed u ppl from the m'sia trip...

lauren!

marilyn holding her shoe!

me doing my silly dare...

mr sham n me! haha..

oh yah,
i read lauren's blog and it was just so SWEET.
thanks lauren,
my fellow neutral idiot who doesnt remain neutral sometimes!

thanks juniors for everything ytd.
and jiayou for next year!

2008-05-01T18:34:00.007+08:00

went to watch jq's nball match ytd...

made ly laugh with my silly qns.

coz im a nball noob.

supposed to go hme after the match but jq asked if we wan to eat dinner,

so sincenot many chances left,

i dinner-ed wif them!

whee.

whn i called hme to ask for permission to eat out,

i SO hoped tt my g.aunt hadnt bought my dinner.

n thankfully she didnt,

coz i was given the chance to spend more time wif them!

here some pics we took!

during the nball match...

at the food court at kallang entertainment centre
(lingyi, val, jieqi)

jieqi wearing lingyi's sunglasses!

me n jieqi both very shy!

lingyi and her didi!

rahhhh!
and these adds on to the memories we already have....

especially for

2008-04-28T21:17:00.012+08:00

this very day.
i dreaded for 15.20 to come.
i told myself it's just another game.
another normal game.
but deep down,
yes.
i was scared.
and stressed too.
i believe many of us felt tt way.
we warmed up.
who would hv thought it would be our last.
n then the game started before we even managed to finish our warm up.
so tensed.
n scared.
me and my butter fingers;
my weak hands.
i lost the first ball.
so i told myself it's okay to make mistake but i hv to learn from it.
shot a couple of shots.
i wasnt very accurate today.
sigh.
mayb i should hv heeded bernard's advice.
yes,
i should hv eaten more.
so tt i will hv more energy perhaps?
third quarter was better played.
but we lost our momentum perhaps we were tired already?
but i know the team played our best.
though coach said we were too tensed up.
jieqi told us to smile.
she said it helped.
so i tried.
but not long later,
the final whistle blew...
the feeling was just so,
URGH.
for a moment i was wiling to give up everything to get into the next round.
i didnt mind flunking common tests;
at all.
yes,
IF only that could happen i would give up everything for it to happen.
but as i've mentioned many times,
there are no 'if's in this world.
if there were,
if we had known the outcome,
we would hv treasured every single moment we had with each other more.
we would hv cherished many things we had just taken for granted.
we would hv known it was better to relax and to play the game with less stress.
dinner was just dinner...
the juniors treated us to dessert.
thanks!
and thanks for the birthday song too!
now i take it tt u ppl hv celebrated by birthday already and i wun be expecting anymore birthday celebrations!
okay.
i apologise for hving to rush hme,
yet again,
even though tonite's dinner would be one of the last few i would be hving with u ppl.
train-ed hme alone.

for my team...

memories came back.
i quote "it's the memories that count" (from jieqi).
yes.
time passes.
and memories live on.
when i first came to nj,
i told myself i would NEVER join bball again.
it's funny how humans are.
i joined bball again,
after the many procrastinations i had.
i kept telling ling yi another day perhaps whn she invited me to come for trg.
but there came a day when i finally joined bball,
it was a whole new experience.
something different.
something which u wan to be part of.
something u would be proud to be part of too.
the first trg.
it was a match between the seniors and juniors.
i scratched myself trying to save the ball.
and that was when i knew this team's different from the one i came from.
xinni, the captain then,
was encouraging n caring.
everyone else were frenly and treated me as part of the team.
though i only stayed for half the camp,
it was fun.
it would hv been more if i knew everyone else better.
and from then,
mr sham had always been kind to me...
i had always seen attending trgs as a resposibility,
rather than a passion.
sometimes i dreaded trgs.
i admit it was most of the times.
2007 A'div came n went before i even knew it.
i cant really recall wad really happened then.
perhaps bcoz i had yet to commit to the team at the point of time.
after A'div,
trgs resumed after a long break.
they werent tt tough.
though i still hated dem.
but the team gt closer.
and i felt we were more "together".
we were more bonded as a team though we were very small.
there were many times whn i felt so cheated.
but as time passed i got used to it.
occasionally not minding being cheated,
if that meant cancelling trg.
there was the fund raising thing we had.
where we sold ice cream.
i didnt really participated in it until the very last day whn we were desperate to clear all our ice cream.
going around the canteen to ask ppl to buy them...
eating the ice creams ourselves...
giving ppl so many scoops at a low price.
and then came the nov/dec holidays.
i SO hated trgs then.
(alright, u may say since when did i love trg =P haha).
i hated hving to be sandwiched between trgs and my g.aunt.
my team expects me to attend all trgs.
and my g.aunt expects me to train less.
the feeling of being sandwiched between both sucked.
i often cried in the showers after trg,
asking myself y i had decided to put myself in such a situation.
i believe my team mates hv gone thru this too.
it's not just me.
the holiday trgs were the hardest to live past.
we had around 32 days of trgs in the 2 months.
and not forgetting there were days when we had double trg.
morning and afternoon.
trained in the morning.
bathed.
lunch-ed.
had our study session which was just so ineffective.
trained again in the evening.
there were also the track trgs...
sometimes i just wanted to give up after a few rounds.
i was so tired.
and it was so stressful to hv jieqi and marilyn running so much faster than me every round.
but no.
i told myself i hv no reason to stop running.
i was well and fine.
i am able to finish running the 10 rounds.
i will not be bothered about how slow i run.
i will just try my best to keep up with jieqi and marilyn,
and sometimes fang yu.
and yes,
we perservered.
we managed to pull thru the so many track trgs.
we dreaded it each time.
but we finished them too.
the sense of satisfaction we gained from them each time we completed.
nothing can replace these.
the encouragement we gave one another.
we cheered one another on.
the amount of sweat we gave.
the amount of effort put in during each trg so far...
when the new year started we prayed for more j1s.
so tt we can form a team.
so tt our hard work would not go to waste.
we got wad we wished for.
we had our juniors.
we went on the m'sia trip together.
the nights spent tau-pok-ing jieqi,
the nights we spent slping together.
the nights spent eating pizzas and chicken wings.
the days we spent travelling on the bus;
eating,
slping,
playing games,
doing silly forfeits.
the rare opportunities we had to catch a glimpse of one another's ugliest moments:
how we looked when we wake up;
so unkempt and untidy.
how jieqi, fangyu and marilyn looked when they wore glasses at night.
how marilyn slept with her half opened eyes on the bus.
this trip was wad drew us closer together.
we had no one else but one another.
laughing loudly late into the nights,
nights which some of us shared a "common dream" as mr sham said,
noisy ones which the bball guys complained about.
but we did not care.
the times we spent together during this trip were probably the one of the most memorable ones...
when we got back to s'pore we played hard for the frenly matches as well as the important 2008 A'div.
we were a team of 10 plus 2 loyal supporters (marilyn n lauren!).
small but determined.
so many matches.
we gave our all till the very end,
never giving up.
it pained us when any of us were down (whether it's injured, sick or got fouled out),
but the rest continued fighting hard for the team,
not wanting to disappoint anyone.
on court,
we jumped,
we ran,
we boxed out.
when we fell,
we got up,
and we tried again.
we never gave up during the game;
even when sometimes circumstances seemed to be against us.
that was wad really mattered.
our positive attitude.
our sportsmanship.
our passion for the game.
our love for the team.
the fun we had playing as a team.
the times we spent together...
and yet,
all these have to end;
so abruptly.
i noe jieqi wouldnt mind get accused by mr sham for something she hvnt done,
lingyi wouldnt mind sneaking out of her house for trgs,
fangyu wouldnt mind hving many more cold wars with her parents,
gerry wouldnt mind sacrificing her busy schedule,
and i wouldnt mind getting scolded and being ignored by my g.aunt,
if all these meant we could continue playing as a team...
BUT
i quote "the truth always hurts" (from mr sham).
yes,
it does.
it hurt so much i hvnt slept well for the past 2 nights,
i hvnt paid attention during lessons for the past 2 days.
i kept thinking bout the team,
about all the tough trainings we went thru together,
about our friendship,
about how special and important each one of u are to me.
it's hard to let go.
just too hard.
the truth not just always hurt but it always hit me hard and sudden too.
many things left undone,
words left unsaid,
but the time has come.
no more tough trgs.
no more feeling of being cheated.
no more scoldings from my g.aunt bcoz of trgs.
no more need to choose between pleasing my g.aunt and attending trg.
no more need to run home from the bus stop to make it hme on time.
no more "inspiring" sentences from me.
no more craps from me during trg.
no more falling down on my butt.

so,
grab me one last look,
and then i'll wave goodbye..

i hv gladly sacrificed my bedtime to finish this post for my team tonight because i want them to noe that deep down,
i love them.
i really do.
thanks for these unforgettable moments.
thanks for being there for me every time i needed u ppl.
thanks for being understanding and not blaming me for not attending some trgs.
thanks for training so hard with me these one year or so.
thanks for ur encouragement all these while.
thanks for ur belief and confidence in me.
thanks for ur forgiveness when i committed mistakes on court.
and lastly,
thanks for making such great team-mates!
let's treasure our friendship and keep these memories with us forever...

coach, mr sham and mr koh,
thanks for ur guidance along the way,
in helping me improve and become a better player.

thanks to the bball guys,
for cheering for us no matter what.
jiayou for ur second rounds and we'll be there to cheer u ppl on!

valerie loves NJBBALL'08.

2008-04-27T20:13:00.002+08:00

2 matches down.
1 left.
was sick.
am recovering.
got left behind during lessons.
no idea wad's going on.
nothing's making sense to me.
got so stressed about cross country and the last game.
haunted by nitemares that night.
smoked thru a couple of tests without knowing how to do them.
sat for 2 SPA-skill A.
and that marked the end of practical tests.
got upset over the same thing over and over again.
yet still clung on to it.
got sick of it.
and learnt not to grip too tightly again...

tml's the day.
the most important day.
i do hope nothing's going to affect me;
nor the team.
JIAYOU!
accept whichever outcome but give our best to show others where we really stand...

everytime i told u how i felt,

u seemed to emo.

if that's how u are going to react

then there's no point in me telling u how i feel,

is there?

hoping that we could work something out,

but u crushed this little hope i had,

each time.

u left me wondering if i had made the right choice.

and yes,

i rmb,

8th may,

speed racer.

2008-04-13T20:54:00.002+08:00

whee!
im so super duper touched by wad my uncle did!
THANKS!!!

rahh..
tml's the day.
and now maybe i dun wan it to come...
a mixture of feelings.
dread.
scared.
nervous.
sad.
relieved.
happy.
they all contradict one another.
but im sure u experienced such a feeling.
just so complicated.
sighh.

it hurts.
it hurt so much ytd.
but i told myself we still have to play on.
no matter wad happens we stil hv to fight on.

===============================================

let's jiayou for tml!

2008-04-12T14:33:00.002+08:00

hmmm,
the weekend's here again.
it seems like the days are passing very quickly.
but anw.
i survived ytd.
pw grade was kind of unexpected.
and mdm khoo had an interesting way of making us so nervous.
anw,
even though i was happy wif my pw results,
ytd still seemed kind of miserable.
there were many times i wanted to just break down and cry.
but no,
i didnt want to allow myself to.
had training and i guess oso half of me was really training.
the other half of me just stood rooted to a spot and let my thoughts wandered.......
there are no "if" in the world,
but if it existed,
i would gladly give up anything to trade for it.
and if i could choose to walk my life all over again,
i would gladly choose to do so.

k. it's like 2.45 now.
the match's in 4 hours' time.
rahhhh.
hopefully i'll play fine...
and now i've just gt to finish up my work.
jiayou nj bball!

2008-04-10T20:55:00.002+08:00

awww.
YES.
lauren, i'll miss u after season!
n i bet u'll miss me too!
haha.
but i'll still see u at the grandstand every morning!

as for dis jie qi...
she kept bugging me to shoot just now!
>.<
RAHHH.
now i hv TWO bernards haunting me everyday!
hahaha.
alright.
season is really coming.
in like 4 days...
get well marilyn.
n ling yi, let ur ankle recover!!!

i've just been slacking this whole week,
doing minimal work.
im tired.
but i dunno y.
too many possibilities.
too little energy to think about them.
anw sometimes i wonder if i should hv just let it go then.
mayb i would be happier now?

tml's the day.
another important day,
when the results are coming out.
i cant really hope to hv done really well.
afterall,
i didnt really cherish the chance i've been given to perfect it.
but i wish for a reasonable grade.
one which i'll be satisfied with.
i dun wan to cry;
again.
im tired.
i really am...
sometimes i really want to accept the truth as it is.
but more often than not,
doing this is difficult.

it's kind of scary that common tests are just a month or so away...
and i hvnt touched my year one work at all since the start of sch.

--------------------------------------------------------

and so,
with my fingers crossed,
i'll be waiting.
oh please.
let me smile tml.
if i dun,
leave me crying and let me be...

2008-04-05T20:21:00.006+08:00

it's been quite a while.
and it's definitely been quite busy.
but the days were just spent on the same few things.
studies, bball, him and slp.
season's coming.
it starts on the 2nd mon from now.
looks like the day i've been looking forward to is coming;
real soon.
but now, maybe im not THAT looking forward to it anymore?
i dont know...
season means
soon, i dun hv to go for trgs anymore.
soon, i dun hv to put up wif my g.aunt's complaints bout trg days.
soon, i dun hv to be sandwiched between her n trg.
soon, i dun hv to worry bout whether trg's going to be scary or manageable.
BUT, i'll hv to worry bout CHEM.
about PHYSICS.
about MATH.
about ECONS.
about GP.
RAHHH!
n to think of it now,
which would i rather choose?
sighh.

crap.
my conclusion:
i think school life will not be as fun anymore without bball after season!

move on...

my life seemed pretty the same.
just had quite a number of frenly matches over the past few weeks.
and there's still like 3 next week.
trained today.
and there's trg tml.
frenlies on mon n tues.
i told myself it's just one more week.
i decided to just forget bout my sch work on weekdays if there's trg aft sch.
yeah.
this will be the final lap i'll be taking.
the final sacrifice for myself and my team.
well, at least, i hope to do so.

hmmm.
i should be slping soon.
after all it's only today tt i gt to clock in more hours of slp time.

i stare at my phone.

stupidly.

every second.

hoping it will light up.

to indicate a message received.

i waited.

seconds passed.

and waited.

minutes passed.

and i continued waiting.

hours gone.

and then i realised how silly i was.

ur message would nv come.

and neither would ur call.....

but u apologised.

2008-03-23T20:40:00.005+08:00

okay.
it's been like quite long since the last post.
the march holidays came and went.
so did the trip to m'sia.
n in this period,
i fell sick,
got sicker,
got injured,
felt sick,
got injured again,
and finally recovered!
thankfully.
but i missed 2 days of sch.
n now i dunno wad quantum physics is about.
=.="
RAHHH.
------------skip------------

highlights:
m'sia trip
well well.
as ly said,
it would hv been fun if i wasnt sick.
yeah.
i think i agree wif her.
den i wouldnt hv to slp so early at nite and miss out on all the games n tau pok.
den i wouldnt hv to rest on the bus n not talk to u ppl or not played cards.
den mayb i would hv been more enthu.
den mayb i would hv eaten chicken wings n pizzas with u ppl at nite.
den mayb i would hv played better during the frenlies.
den mayb i could hv laughed more wif u ppl n during the bonding session.
den mayb lauren n mr sham wouldnt need to cough during the trip like me.
hahaha.
BUT anw,
the bball girls (jq, ly, fy, lauren, marilyn n veron) took very gd care of me during the trip!
they very nice!
nv disturb me n always let me bathe first whn we go back hotel so tt i can slp first =D
n they usually let me be the last to wake up in the morning!
XIE XIE all of u for being SO NICE TO ME.
okay, the bball guys some of dem oso gt express deir concern lah =)
haha.
i very problematic.
first it was cough,
den gastric.
den cough gt worse.
den sprained ankle.
den sprained the other ankle.
den gt even sicker whn came back spore.
okay.
summary of the frenlies in m'sia:
ehhh.
i din play very well.
but i think it was acceptable?
actually i dun really rmb already.
the 4 days were like a blur to me.
i only rmb i slept alot.

the rest of the march hols were spent on slping at hme,
trying to get well,
n staring at the hol hmwk.
didnt go sch on the first day.
wasted my day studying for math test.
but stil couldnt do in the end.
so i really WASTED my mon.
RAHHHH.
after tt it was like trying to catch up wif my work lor..
nothing much.
except tt trg days seem to hv decreased.
we trained on thurs and today.
had frenly match wif jjc ytd.
i played quite badly.
mayb coz i was distracted by my injured eye.
mayb not.
i was just so useless i think.
n mr sham thinks im not running fast enough.
n tt im playing like i didnt wan the ball.
well.
mayb it's true but definitely not ALL the time.
eh but forget it.

oh yah,
injured my eye on thurs' trg.
n mr sham was nice enough to bring me to a clinic.
n ly was so nice to accompany me =)
haha.
okay.
there are alot of nice ppl around me.
n thanks to my bball girls for asking me to take care! haha.
okay, n bernard too! :)

well.
nothing much already...
sch tml.
n it sucks bcoz i hvnt had enough of the long weekend which didnt seem long at all.
RAH!

and i SO miss u!

2008-03-08T21:00:00.002+08:00

dreading...
dreading...
dreading...
dreading...
dreading....
SO SCARY!!!
i suddenly dun wan to leave my bed!!!
think i'll be hme sick.
n soft toys sick.
n bed sick...
n the list goes on....
but okay.
it'll be another story when i come back from m'sia.
i'll be hoping tt the trip lasted forever or smthing liddat.
=.="
but arhhh!!!
right now i just very scared!!!

so so so.
im still sick.
coughing.
coughing.
and coughing.
i hate it.
GET WELL!!!

okay.
i'll miss u over the next 4 days.

arhhhhh.
10 more hours!!!

2008-03-02T20:07:00.002+08:00

this is going to be a short post.
coz im running out of time.
i hvnt touched ECONS.
n i hvnt really studied CHEM.
n there's test for both subjects next week.
im thankful there's NO trg tml
:)
which means i can study the 6 chapters of ORGANIC CHEM for tue's test;
HOPEFULLY.
but that'll mean...
NO TIME FOR ECONS.
but HECK.
i hvnt gt a choice.
so much work to complete.
so much to study for...
there's just some that i hv to sacrifice.
and sadly,
it's YOU, economics.
wahaha.

i kind of screwed up my chem SPA last wk.
there's physics SPA tml n i really hope i wun screw it up.

so anw.
we ARE going for the MALAYSIA trip during the march hols...
haha.
a little excited...
a little looking forward to it...
BUT
i noe whn the day comes i'll feel weird.
n mayb i wun feel as excited as i am now.
haha.
this always happens.
and afterall..
it's the first time im going overseas on a sch trip.
scary!
okay.
it's 7 days more.
hopefully i'll feel fine.

anw the past week was kind of busy.
trying to catch up with work.
there was a frenly match against yuying sec and it was not bad.
i mean the team played quite well lah?
i admire my team for giving our BEST!
okay.
but personally,
i didnt really play well.
the biggest mistake.
i caused alot of turnovers.
largely due to my inability to be "HARDER" n stronger.
second,
i didnt BOX OUT.
urghhh.
n i made alot of shots tt air-ed i think.
=.="
so aft tt i rather not shoot.

GRRR.
anw there's not much time already.
so i'l end here.
i'l try to update again b4 i leave for m'sia.
gd luck to marilyn n lauren for their assessment week!
wahahah.
JIAYOU!

2008-02-24T18:15:00.002+08:00

well...
the past week was a less busy week compared to the chingay week?
hmmm.
i guess lahh.
but not very free oso.
with homework still left untouched...
it's not tt i dun wan to touch it.
but i feel very URGH whenever i try to open my notes n start doing my tutorials.
especially for physics and math.
i dun understand FIELDS n i dun get LOCI of complex numbers.
bleahhh.
they're like so sophisticated!

a recall of the past week:
mon, sch n trg.
tues, sch n dental.
some highlights...
wed, some china bballers came to teach the guys.
they were very very tall!
n alot of ppl came to watch.
thursday, sch n home.
another highlight...
fri, road run.
was kind of half hearted whether to run or not.
grrr.
didnt want to run coz dun feel like running.
n shld hv alot of competitors one...
wanted to run coz i felt like i damn long nv run already.
n plus mr sham say he wun hv track anymore.
so i felt kind of guilty?
eh,
not exactly.
but something liddat.
so anyway i was stoning at the grand stand till IP4 n JC2 girls' race started.
ran with jie qi n fang yu coz they say should run our best seeing that marilyn ran so hard.
she gt 2nd lah!!!
so li hai!
okay.
so i ran.
almost died running it.
grrr.
after 1 round the devil n angel in me was like trying to influence me!
STOP. dont run anymore. so tiring!!!
OR
GOGOGO! finish the 2 slopes n u will feel much better aft tt!
haha.
fine.
i ran on lahh.
but the last slope was really killing me.
my legs were like giving way.
but down slope was simply great!
like can fly liddat!
hohoho.
coz maybe im too light?
o.O
hmm.
i dashed the last mayb 100m?
haha.
n i warned jieqi tt i was dashing.
i told her to run.
n she really ran!
=.="
i was too slow to keep up with her.
haha.
but at least i wasnt SCHEMING
=P
so anw jq gt 5th!
n i was behind her.
whee!
okay.
went for lunch with the bball girls aft tt!
at pepper lunch!
n we laughed ALOT ALOT ALOT there!
haha.
i promise the nxt bbal outing will be better planned!
=P
so watched L after tt.
yay!
it was nice!
funny+exciting+"glorey" (oh no, how to spell)

sat.
trained at sbc in the morning.
watched kung fu dunk after tt with serene.
the movie was okay lahh.
quite funny.

today.
trained again.
came hme watched tv for damn long.
did abit of work.
worrying bout how im going to finish the rest.
week 10 gt alot of lect tests!
GOSH.
im dying!
hopefully a miracle will happen soon.
in the mean time...
see u nxt week!
no!
nxt weekend not free.
next next week den!
=D

CHINGAY!

2008-02-17T21:10:00.003+08:00

wahaha.
this weekend was SO busy.
kind of tiring.
BUT it was worth it.
yay!
homework still left uncompleted...
not touched at all...

fri.
it was PREVIEW!
supposed to report at like 2.30.
was a bit late.
but alot of ppl were late too.
so no one bothered.
felt kind of weird since i didnt really know anyone.
but things changed for the better aft tt!
wahahaha.
fri i gt to noe charleen, patrinia, pamelyn, kelvin, esmond n rozanne!
nice ppl.
anw we were supposed to be stationed at coleman st.
hahaha.
job was kind of slack actually.
the policemen are nice ppl!
they were very nice to us!
so b4 the preview started,
we did a bit of job.
after tt.
we ended up watching the chingay.
hahaha.
coz no more job to do!
BUT didnt see the F1 car!
awww.
we only heard its engine.
n tt was SO sad!
okay, BUT the fireworks was damn nice.
n it was like so close to us!
(actually we were not supposed to be so near)
hahaha.

saturday!
it was the actual chingay day!
supposed to report at 1.45.
so i met yk at hougang mrt.
WHEE!!!
haha.
n he kept complaining about how troublesome girls are!
>.<
but he's still very nice =)
although i made him go quite early.
hehe.
had a small andersonians gathering there coz there was nothing to do.
haha.
saw zy too although he didnt join chingay.
coz he sent xL there.
hmmm.
anw, we kind of stoned at the tentage for quite some time.
so i told kelvin to entertain me.
haha.
n he was like teaching me how to play worms.
gosh.
i seriously didnt noe how to play.
n i stil dun really noe how to now.
haha.
but he lent me his phone to try a few games anw.
after tt our job started!!
still at coleman street.
but another part.
at least we had something to do.
n to was to direct ppl to the entrances.
n to refuse entry to coleman street.
some ppl were like very pissed tt they couldnt enter from here.
so some of they like began to shout at us.
n scold us some more!
>.< GRR.
but we were told not to let anyone spoil our day. =)
so we just smile n let them scold lor.
n kip saying sorry.
haha.
there was this uncle who said he was invited to watch chingay so he demanded to go in by tt way.
n he added tt he was paid like 10 000 bucks to watch it.
HAHAHA.
like as if we believe lah.
n there was this other woman who wanted to stand there to watch everything n we were like telling her she cant.
so she kept scolding us n say we were STUPID.
den this very nice police on duty wif us told her to respect us.
den she just continue calling us stupid.
=.="
haha.
den we were like hello?
U are the stupid one.
n the police oso agreed wif us!
whee!
he so nice rite! =D
so we were kind of busy b4 chingay.
telling ppl "oh, u walk straight n turn to ur right at the first turn. the entrance is diagonally behind this cathedral but dun cut thru it".
repeated this sentence for like SO many times!
okay.
half way aft chingay started, nothing much left to do.
so gary treated us to ice cream though we werent supposed to eat on duty.
hahaha.
n i gt to noe byan, kathy and lucas?
haha.
kathy brought hme a really BIG balloon which she found.
n charleen gt her PAO which she wanted.
haha.
we were dismissed rather late too coz there was like debrief n we had to wait for the whole thing to end.
meaning tt the chingay thing has to reach the end pt...
ho.
yk told me to go first coz he scared he'll take quite long den will miss the last train.
but aft tt he msged to ask if i wanted to go yck wif him den his mom can fetch me hme oso. RAHHH.
but i already at dhoby ghaut.
den aft tt he called to say the mrt shuttles closed already so lucky i went off first.
haha.
poor him.
he had to cab home.
arhhhh.
n i still owe him chocos!
so hopefully i see him on the bus some time this week!
=D

today!
i slept in.
coz for the past 2 nights i slept at 1am.
unbelieveable!
it's like way pass my bedtime man!
but slept till not very late lah. 11 liddat?
tt was like whn trg ended? =X
arhhhh.
missed trg today.
kind of guilty coz it was bcoz of chingay.
but i shall attend subsequent ones!
promise!
didnt do much today coz i slept in the afternoon again...
i wonder if can fall aslp early tonite coz i think my body shuts down at 12am now...
lol.
but anw, CHINGAY was a GREAT experience!
made frens!
learnt many things esp how UNREASONABLE some ppl can be. hohoho.

loves CHINGAY DREAMTEAM!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

hopefuly i'll upload the photos whn i gt them...

2008-02-14T19:59:00.014+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!

whee! today's a really really great day though i was kinda pissed in the morning.

by HER.

dun like her lah!
scold scold scold.

hello.

today's valentine's day.

wad's wrong with passing things around?

>.<

it's just TODAY!

not like i pass things around everyday rite.

=.="

bleah.

my morning was kind of sian bcoz of tt.

there was morning trg.

n i gt this cup from fangyu.

it has my name on it =)

lucky she nv put neutral idiot!

haha.

n i gt them this soft toy each..

hope they like it!

n kip it hor!!!!!

anw i recovered from tt sian-ness during break n aft econs!

he so nice!

i SO love his lessons!!!
oh no...

i seem to think alot of ppl are cute n nice.

=.=

chem prac was great.

n im not referring to the experiment of coz.

PE was urgh.

road run.

n i talked to mr sham after i finished running.

he self praised himself!

hahaha!

n then he asked bout someone.

which was very weird!

alright.
i take it tt he's concerned =)

so valentine's day just ended liddat?

after pe...

played soccer for a while with lingyi, vernon n bernard.

hahaha.

i din really play lah.

kind of scared of getting hit by the ball.

so i just stood there lor.

den i went out to meet DINO!

wahahaha.

n SURPRISE!!!!!!!

yay!

i think it was the BEST valentine's day!!!!!

*SMILES*

whee!!!

it's a make up rite? >.O

but i still like!

this is from fang yu! =D
(i like wad u say in the message u wrote for me! =D n nvm bout the colour. i very easy going one! hehehe)

this is from serene...!

these are some nice snacks from ling yan, marcus, gerry and felix!

ROMANTIC notes from marilyn n ling yi!

flowers from marilyn n jinyin! =D
(red one from marilyn, pink/purple from jy)

this is from MUMMY!!!! =DDD

piglet cushion!

(haha, yes, it's the only character u hvnt bought me!)

the pooh bear and piglet cushion!!! so cute rite!

baby pooh again!!!!!

haha... the cushion.... =P

taa daa~!
a happy family from DINO!!!
(okay, dun ask me y my bedsheet is SOCCER n not BBALL =X)

it's CNY!

2008-02-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY!
arhhhh...
the 4th and last day of CNY holidays is ending in a few hours...
tml's the day when we need to face reality.
BACK TO SCHOOL.
urghhh.
anw there's trg.
o.O
sorry ly, eliz n ms...
goodness.
think im going to get killed..
ehh.

CNY was okay...
actually it was kind of great.
being able to wake up at like after 10 everyday.
compared to 5.30 on sch days.
gosh.
wad a big difference.
so i guess i clocked quite alot of slp time.
which hopefully can last me for the nxt week.
it's going to be SO busy!
first day of cny.
some relatives came.
n i just stoned.
n of coz, collect red packets.
hohoho!
second day.
wait for ppl come again.
noel came on both days.
arhhh.
he's taller now.
>.<
n he keep saying im short.
he's MEAN.
hahaha.
third day i went orchard to buy more clothes!
n to avoid weird situations at hme.
coz my aunt's frens came and there were lots of kids in the house.
like 6 or 7?
o.O
with the noise they make, i bet i wun be able to get any homework done lahhh.
so it was better shopping =)
i wanted to watch the ah long movie but my g.aunt dun wan.
so fine.
didnt watch.
>.<
today.
chiong homework?
hahaha.
those overdue de...
BORING!!!

arhhhhhhhh.
there's so many things tt i stil want!!!
haha.
nvm.
when gt enough money den go buy!
=D

i want to take the 6.10 bus again!
den i can talk to yk!
haha.
but dunno when gt tt chance.
so mayb just wait till fri!!!!

so NOT looking forward to the coming week...
i wan a repeat of the past 4 days...
i dun mind stoning at hme!

reflect

2008-02-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

it's been 2 long weeks.
cny's coming.
was looking forward to it.
waiting eagerly because i know that's when i can finally rest.
last week was kind of alright.
there was only chem test which i made some really silly mistakes.
arh.
i just wasnt well prepared.
i rejoined chingay;
alone.
haha.
yes.

LONER.

=P
but at least i felt better rejoining lah :)
so my previous weekends were basically spent on SPA, chingay trg, bball trg and studying for physics test?
well,
but it was a total waste of time because i still couldnt do the physics test.
there was coach trg on both sunday and monday.
it was kind of fun i guess?
o.O
hmmm.
at least NOW i think it's better than track.
anw i screwed up today's math test.
argh.
it was supposed to be manageable!
=((
but i guess this is the result of last min studying.
gosh.
i really mixed up the formulas!
differentiation and integration.
and bits of vectors formulas were here and there.
i dunno which is which.
----------------- . -------------------"
irritating.
i still cant do vectors man.
but heck.
the 3 tutorials following math test were spent day dreaming.
okay.
EXCEPT chem.
he was just SO cute!
and SUPER nice!
econs..
i really didnt know wad he was talking about.
and i didnt cared.
math was fine.
just drifted away occasionally.
haha.
he dismissed us 10 mins early coz he tot the bell was for us.
and the class didnt tell him!
oh yah,
talking about the class...

THANKS 07S18!

for helping me out with the noticeboard although according to sheralyn it looks like a kindergarden board.
haha.
yay!!!
i no nid to do noticeboard already!
^.^
hmmm.
i guess that's all that has happened...
cny celebrations tml!
goodie.
NO LESSONS!

reflect.

this stupid nose of mine has been running for like SO long!

oh please stop running and recover!

2008-01-20T19:29:00.000+08:00

another week has passed.
just came back from dinner.

let me recall about the past week.
mon to fri,
as usual.
school.
but less trgs.
fri was a great day.
HAHA.
looks like fridays are always gd!
coz...
1) i ended early.
2) there was surprisingly no trg.
3) there was a surprise.
4) watched body #19.
5) i was happy!
hahaha.
body #19's story line was kind of complicated.
but it was really scary.
i mean the pictures.
and the sound.
like there was twice when i didnt expect anything to happen,
but it did.
so fine,
i jumped.
BUT actually it was only once.
coz the other time i got a shock by ur movement.
so that was not me.
>.<
so anw.
ytd was quite a busy day.
with surprises too!
we went for the chingay CIP.
supposed to hv trg in the morning.
but whn i woke up i saw jq's msg tt said trg changed to sunday.
surprise no. 1.
so i stared at my phone for a while.
thinking "so am i supposed to wake up to go for CIP?"
marilyn's msg came in soon aft tt to answer my qn.
so we went for cip at rj.
poor marilyn gt so worried that she was in a different grp from us.
hahaha.
we had some ice breakers.
n i had to do a forfeit for one of the games.
man.
i hate these concentration games!
marilyn was the only one out of the 4 of us who didnt need to do a forfeit.
and that's surprise no. 2!
hehe.
did some role playing discussion aft tt.
our poor leader was trying to get us to discuss but most of us were like either stoning or talking among ourselves.
hoho.
had lunch tgt with some of the bball guys.
den headed with jq n ly to home u for trg.
YES. trg was ytd 2 to 4 not today 2 to 4.
and that's surprise no. 3!
haha.
mr sham is forever so last min.
=.=
okay.
so i trained with my "wrong" shoes.
urgh.

and when i gt home from trg.
i basically just did homework till now.
okay.
plus the 11hours of sleep from last nite.
=)
n the meals i had.
i tried to complete as much as i can.
but i cant seem to clear them.
n there's chem test tml.
URGH.
im so going to flunk it.
there's just around an hour or so for me to consolidate everything and go to bed.
hoho.
GDNITE.

i want to smile;

to really smile.

i want you to be happy;

to be really happy.

2008-01-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

another supposedly happy day which turned out rather bad.
it's back.
back to haunt me.
the things i want not to remember.
the truth i want not to accept.
the courage i still lack to face it.
the dilema im still struggling with.
why.
why hv things turned out this way?
despite all the efforts put in.
and the hard work in keeping it going.
the question comes back yet again.
drifting into my blank mind every now and then.
me, trying to push the thought away.
thinking that i can live in deception.
a dream that i have to awake from.
a dream that seemed so real.
a dream that i nv wanted it to end.
but it seems like there's not much of a choice now,
have i?
okay.
except for that ONE solution.
but i ask myself.
would i be happy doing that just to keep it going?
is that what im seeking ultimately?
there's not much of a choice now.
nothing i do would make a difference.
it will still end so tragically.
it's either now or later.
unless i choose that path.
to let my misery end here or to just drag it through the remaining days?
or to take a risk again.
not knowing whether i'll be able to accept the change.
not knowing whether i'll be happy like this.
not knowing whether things would turn out the way we wanted.
so many uncertainties.
too many.
i dont even dare to believe in them anymore.
hopes.
dreams.
now i realise,
it doesnt exist.
and that'll be wad life is all about.

not knowing which step to take next.
i just lie here waiting aimlessly.
still hoping for a miracle.
maybe all these should have just been a really sweet dream...

save me from all these please!

weird-ness in me

2008-01-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

okay.
another week gone.
no time to blog.
or rather,
no time to even come online.
my homework pile has become taller.
all the work i hv during the weekdays are just pushed to my weekend.
so weekends are very important to me!
man.
the "effort" i have put in to TRY to clear it during the holidays...
and the pile is increasing in height by the days...
URGH.
the uncompleted hol hw PLUS the daily hw...
the hill will slowly turn into a mountain!
anw.
it looks like i just have to blog on perhaps a weekly basis.
for now.
mayb i might be able to complete my work and hv some free time to drop by more often next time?
FAT HOPE.
kae.
so it looks like this blog will go dead soon.
occasionally coming back to life...

had trg in the morning today.
it was pretty fine.
just that i didnt quite like 1-on-1.
but okay.
i noe this IS bball.
wad else can i expect.
but let's just say i prefer other drills better =)
but 1-on-1's fine when mr sham's the defender!
hahaha.
coincidentally,
we all wore our TEAM NJ shirts except poor marilyn.
great minds think alike!
hehe.
as usual, we went for lunch aft tt.
followed by donut factory.
hmm.
a few of them are nice lah.
coz we bought a box of 6 to try!
aft eating,
jq n ly started playing some silly coin game...
=.=''
haha.
i was stoning there =P
no lah.
quite entertaining to see them behave like kids u noe...
HOHO.
went home finally after that.
hmmm.
managed to complete gp, econs and pyhsics!
quite satisfied!
=D
although there's chem which i hv yet to complete...
okay.
i'll do it before i go out tml morning!
hopefully.
and later i got to continue re-copying my math hw!
GRRR.

ytd was a GREAT DAY!
no.1 lessons ended early!
no.2 trg was enjoyable and quite fun!
no.3. i managed to solve a few math qns.
no.4 the bus ride home was long and enjoyable for once!
no.5 i didnt get scolded by my g.aunt for going trg.
WHOO!
yay yay yay.
i love ytd!
156 was crawling.
yet i wasnt cursing.
hahaha.
under the dark sky, we walked home hand in hand...

going shopping tml...
argh.
the whole of tml gone.
gdbye!
n probably i'll drop a post again a week later...

this weird feeling back in me...

i wonder if i can do it...

or should i say, we?

2008-01-06T19:21:00.000+08:00

the weekend is ending.
the days that passed were pretty the same.
some highlight would perhaps be the CCA carnival on fri.
as u could hv guessed,
i was just slacking at the booth.
haha.
but i helped in making the souvenirs!
=)
as for ytd,
we had trg at home u.
the j1s didnt come but the seniors came.
left aft lunch.
hoping to complete some study related stuff.
did a bit of this n that.
today i didnt really do much.
tried to do vectors tut again but still very lost.
i nid help!
i just printed the econs stuff.
and tried to read.
nothing much accomplished today.
but something i managed to do over this weekend-
caught up on my slp!
looking forward to shooting tml!
hopefully i dun get cheated again...
well,
dreading the upcoming week...
where homework starts piling up...

ah ha.

u look quite funny in the pic in the papers.

but no bad arhh.

appear in the papers eh!

i shall kip tt article!

hohoho.

1st day of sch!

2008-01-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

it's the first day of sch today!
couldnt fall aslp last nite perhaps i was too excited?
NAH.
but i just couldnt slp.
woke up EARLY this morning hoping that i'll be on time for our team talk!
but no.
boarded the bus at 6 exactly but only reached sch at 7.20!!!
GOSH.
it's all bcoz of the jam from after cjc all the way to hci!
>.<
but apparently ALOT of ppl were late too.
so jq postponed our talk :)
okay.
den i was SHOCKED by a piece of news from lauren.
about ha.
okay.
quite surprising.
but i respect ur decision.
JIAYOU to the rest of us remaining!!
jq arrived the lastest and we appauded...
haha.

and then.
assembly.
okay.
we werent late.
for once!
at least the maktab command wasnt given yet.
lessons started from the second period.
ECONS.
yay!
just an intro.
the tcher was quite nice lah.
next was GP.
lucky enough to hv a nice tcher too!
actually she looks fierce but she's quite cute actualy whn she smiles =)
she was SO nice tt she only used one period and dismissed us one period early for lunch! (we had double period u see)
there's only SHERALYN and me from our class.
but i noe JIEQI too!
hee.
and it's like ALL the girls in her pw group also in the same gp class!
n i noe sashti n jufri!
n tt's all =.=
sheralyn and i were practically rotting aft gp coz it seemed like no other classes were dismissed early.
urgh.
so we waited and waited.
saw lauren n marilyn while rotting.
actually i was quite happy to see them!
=D
mayb is coz as jq said,
everytime we see our fellow bball mates arund in sch,
we feel the LOVE!!!
hahaha.
econs lect aft tt was boring.
then chem tut.
the tcher just started on tutorial qns just liddat!
GOSH!
he didnt even ask us to say our names or wad lor!
=.="
i was so SHOCKED by his "dis-interest" in us.
CAAL was so super long.
i tot it was only one period lah!
but no!
it was much longer than tt.
the timetable tricked me!

aft sch.
had trg.
supposed to be coach but cancelled.
coz scared the court cant dry soon enough.
we ran 400m X 10 rounds.
it was quite tiring.
suprising,
our timings improved!
jq n marilyn run SO fast!
n mr sham say jq is a guy now!
hahaha.
poor u!
did a very long shooting drill aft running.
the 3pt shots made me very tired i guess.
but overall,
the shots were fine.
just that i hv to change my way of standing.
okay.
we did 1-on-1 after that.
and guess wad?!
i fell AGAIN!
goodness.
fy was saying it seemed like i fell on my own with some invisible force pushing me.
BUT no!
the truth was that our dear MARILYN stepped on my foot!
so it's like i wanted to move back but my feet got STUCK under marilyn's foot.
hahaha.
so i fell backwards.
BUT this time i was clever enough to land on my hands!
abit of skin scratch but it's fine le :)
much better than landing on my butt!
hehe.
but anw,
stepping on ppl's foot once was not enough!
so after a while,
the same thing happened!
this time,
the victim is JIEQI!!!
hahaha!
i dunno where she landed =P
but she told me to blog bout this to show how marilyn "bullies" us.
marilyn,
not bad arhhh.
scheming strategy!
okay,
but well,
she apologised on the bus le n gave me a kiss too!
not real kiss lah!
so jieqi,
forgive marilyn whn she give u kiss tml oso kae?
=P
aft trg,
left with lauren.
waited for bus for SO long!
until fang yu came out.
and it stil didnt come.
waited until marilyn come out den the bus finally came!
man!
my g.aunt was quite angry >.<
kae.
stopping here to go to bed.
there's morning trg tml.

and the grumbling starts all over again!

2008-01-01T17:07:00.000+08:00

a new year.

a new begining.

a fresh start.

another chance.

to forget but to learn.

to cherish and not to take for granted.

resolutions:
to not repeat the same foolish mistakes;
procrastination.
the lack of passion in everything.
wasting money on unnecessary stuff.
trusting easily.
and keeping so quiet.

i want to understand everything taught.

not to push everything to tml or later.

i want to tell myself "YES i will do it now".

i want to be more determined!

to not give up so easily!

i want to get fitter! (or should it be run better?)

i want to try new things! (broad definition though)

i want to play bball better! (or at least learn how to box out properly)

i still want to still get enough SLEEP! (at all costs)

and i DONT want to fall ill!

i want not to continue walking my life like being in a maze.

with no sense of direction.

no guide.

hitting dead ends every now and then.

and all alone.

okay.

and I WANT YOU!

(and maybe i want to learn to let go should the time comes?)

spent my new year watching tv in the morning.

reading vector notes after that.

trying the BMQ.

and then,

STUCK.

grrrr!

but okay.

i cant give up yet!

i'll try again after dinner :)

hmmm.

thanks to all those who sent msgs to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!

evon, sheng rong, serene, ling yi, samuel, meijun, jieqi, peter,shun fa, martin, tws and marilyn!
mayb i missed out a few.

or mayb didnt receive ur msg coz u may hv sent it to the other number.

still, thanks!

and to those who wished me online! =)

junwei, marilyn, jie qi, lauren and ruiting!

so,

sch's starting tml!

and that's bad.

hoping that a miracle might make me enjoy sch this yr!

HAHAHA.

i saw marilyn's blog.

and it seems like she made jq confess that she was mean.

or did jq admit this on her own?

hmmm.

very interesting happening of the day.

i shall find out more and report to u guys again!

hehe.

jq.

marilyn thinks u're a bad influence too!

which means that my hypothesis is true!

which means it's a fact.

and this supports my claim that i speak the truth!

hm, sounds a little complicated huh?

so to put it in a sentence,

I ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH :)

hahaha.

alright.

i shall stop being lame now.

so enjoy ur very last bit of holiday!

without you, i am nothing.

without me, you are nothing.

be my past, present and future.

think of all the happy times.

don't give up so easily.

and we can!

jiayou!

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

WHOO!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

it's 2008 already!!!

hope it's smoothsailing for everyone.

my resolutions...

tml den i type bah.

JIAYOU for everything!

YEAH!

and to cheer up!

AND I STILL LOVE YOU LOTS!!

2007-12-31T22:21:00.000+08:00

seems like that wasnt the last post.
but this is...

i've been thinking.
thinking day and night,
thinking alot.
and i havent got an answer.
two simple choices.
but no.
both with its own consequences.
which has serious implications.
one that gives me happiness temporarily.
but no one noes whether this path leads to a dead end.
do i take this risk?
the other which will leave me heartbroken and stranded all alone in a place so foreign to me.
but yes, my heart may be mended and feelings will fade away...
will i be happier this way?
i wan to run away.
from this hurtful truth.
a really sweet dream.
a long journey that seemed so real.
u spoke about resposibility,
ur resposibility to them.
so what about to me?

you'll need courage to reason.
to reach a compromise.
but no,
you chose to run away.
just like i did.
i cant face the truth.
nor can i accept it.
im struggling.
struggling for my happiness.
yet you just stood there watching.
so helpless.
but i noe it hurts u too...
all i ask from you is simply to just continue holding onto me...

a roller coaster ride it has been

new yr's eve

2007-12-31T16:45:00.000+08:00

okay.

this will be the last post of 2007.

it's NEW YEAR'S EVE today!

tml's yr 2008 already.

GOSH.

everything's happening so fast.

one and a half more days to going back to sch.

waking up early every morning.

falling aslp on the bus ride to sch.

hitting my head against the bus window when im aslp.

chiong-ing for assembly with the bballers.

day dreaming during lessons.

trg aft sch!

going home just for dinner and to slp.

and this process is repeated 5 times a week.

4 weeks a month.

for about perhaps 6 or 7 months.

SIAN.

okay.

didnt blog ytd.

so just a rough outline of wad i did.

uncle's frens came to help him re-paint the living room.

so me, my g.aunt, aunt and cousin all zhao.

went to compasspoint for lunch and some shopping.

then just went home to start on my probability tut.

so ytd was practically a boring one.

TODAY!

went to watch national treasure:book of secrets!

well.

it was not bad lahh.

quite exciting!

haha.

just that the atmosphere was a bit awkward.

hmmmm.

didnt really know wad to talk about...

nvm if u dun get me.

went home aft tt.

intended to finish ytd's tut.

BUT ended up blogging here.

hohoho.

still deciding to stay up to countdown or just to sleep.

heex.
it's like the last chance for me to catch up on my slp!!!

okay.

now im going to make a declaration.

JIE QI IS A BAD INFLUENCE!

hahaha.

k lah.

just kidding!

dun KILL me jq!

[revenge for calling me neutral idiot >.<]

lalala~

i know u need ur space.

i quite like my hair!

being random...

zzz.

yay!
me n my fav toy.
spending this new yr's eve with it...
=.=

2007-12-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

it has been quite a fruitful day today.
NO.
it's not bcoz i've touched the rest of my homework.
it's bcoz i feel that today was well spent.
haha.
many funny things happened today!
okay.
we went for the bball frenlies organised by NUS raffles hall.
miraculously, we were early.
so we waited for the other teams to arrive.
we played with nyjc first.
AND
we were known as the xiao mei mei team.
haha.
cause i guess many of us are short?
YES.
u may think im being very critical here.
BUT it's an undeniable fact.
:)
poor us.
den we played with the RH team.
and OH!
i became the clown for a moment;
again.
=.=
i was guarding this opponent whn she already got sub-bed out.
and my GOOD team-mates nv tell me and just laugh at me hor?
>.<
rahhh.
kae.
nyjc won.
then jjc.
there's this person in the jj team who looks alot like ai wei+xin ying.
haha.
and marilyn say plus jiahao.
hmmm.
i agree.
so aft the matches,
we played for a while with jj for fun.
then we had lunch which was provided.
so nice of them!
left for our CIP aft tt.
we took bus 151.
the jj ppl took bus 96 which was rite in front of our bus for a while.
so throughout tt time,
we kept waving to the jj ppl.
and they waved back to us.
anw,
the bus was non aircon and the engine was like spoiling.
then aft a while, we reached a traffic light.
the bus engine rumbled on and off.
for a moment it's loud,
the next moment it dies off.
so i was telling jie qi and lauren that mayb the bus is breaking down.
then when lauren turned to talk to me,
she saw ALOT of smoke outside the bus.
hahaha.
it was very funny if u were there.
so all of us were trying not to laugh but still laughed.
but we also didnt dare to laugh out loud coz we scared the bus driver noe we laughing at his bus.
then we watched the traffic light turn from red to green,
and green to red.
and from red to green again.
and HAR!
we noe no hope liao.
the bus confirm cant move already.
coz at every green light,
it kind of moved forward abit but reversed by more than how much it has moved forward.
hahaha.
so the bus driver told us in a very calm voice tt the bus broke down.
we walked to the nxt bus stop to take 74 to amk.
they slept on the bus.
i was just looking around then i saw jieqi's hands doing something like a pass!
ah har!
must be dreaming of bball.
n i guessed right =)
coz i asked her after that.
hehe.
lucky gt no one sit beside u jq!
okay.
CIP was quite fun lah.
but tiring as well.
i just didnt like moving the stuff.
the collection was fine.
anw,
the funny thing was jq's reaction to a dog that banged itself into the gate.
haha!
coz we didnt see the dog at first.
jq only saw this white thing.
she tot it was a soccer ball.
then b4 she knew it,
that "soccer ball' came flying towards the door and BANG!
she gt a shock!
she tot the man kick the ball at the door!
HAHA!
kae lah.
quite scary actually coz the dog kip barking and barking.
aiyo!
so anw,
we did around 3hrs of CIP.
whee!
not alot i noe.
but at least did a bit!
COME ON!
and b4 tt i was teling jq and marilyn to be more enthu about it.
hehe.
they were kind of shocked this was coming from me.
or was it my tone that surprised them?
=P
the canoenists were quite nice.
they helped us and bought us drinks.
thanks!
we went home aft tt.
wahhhh.
wont see u ppl until sch reopen!
oh man!
tt's quite long.
considering the fact tt we see one another almost everyday for the past 2 months.
hahaha.
k lah.
marilyn, rest ur ankle arh!
ling yi, recover from ur flu!
everyone played well today :)
continue to JIAYOU!!!!
yes!
this is coming from ME!
okay okay.
im signing off.
and hopefuly i get to change the words on the left!

im trying.

trying hard.

give me time.

and you will know.

understanding.

yes i know.

i do.

2007-12-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

TIRED!
today's trg seemed extremely long.
mayb bcoz i was already tired from ytd.
or mayb we really did train for quite a long time.
well well.
we did skipping.
gym.
played 2 on 3.
abs.
shooting drill!
by the time trg ended was around 11 plus to 12.
bathed.
n went KAP for lunch.
haha.
the guys were heartless enough to order mac delivery without taking our orders.
coz they claimed tt they tot we left sch already.
=.=
alright.
we crapped ALOT at KAP.
laugh and laugh until my cheeks very painful!
>.<
n im still not spared of their qns!
GRRR.
after that lauren n i went home.
jie qi and marilyn went to watch guy's match.
haha.
HOPEFULLY they made up.
and became gd frens again.
and wun kip asking me qns!
hehe.

i slept on the bus...
came home and did my very last gp article!
whee!
finally done.
although it was crap.
dun care.
n im done wif econs quiz too!
im left wif math tutorial!!!!
arhhh.
im SO not in the mood to do it!
anw.
im going down for dinner already.
double trg tml!
WOAH.
must slp early today.
or else tml's study session wasted again.
hahahahaha.

hope jq's phones and player can work properly again!

2007-12-26T21:50:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

hahax.

today's boxing day.

but i opened all my prez already.

didnt hv any left for today =P

but nvm.

we had trg in the aftn.

helped clear the PE store b4 training.

didnt really do much coz alot of ppl so each do a bit den done already!

hohoho.

n trg started...

2.4 run!

started b4 even i knew it.

well,

it wasnt DAT bad lah.

best timing.

whoo.

all the past trgs were worth it!

hehe.

sorry marilyn.

for not warning u whn i was going to dash.

BUT u still faster wad!

anw,

u motivated me!

aft the run was courtwork with the guys.

then aft tt 1 on 1 thingy.

and this was when I BECAME the CLOWN.

first is i cant decide wad to do.

so i just froze there aft i checked the ball.

=.=

then aft tt i tripped and fell on my butt!

damn pain!

at tt moment.

aft tt it was okay.

then i think i hurt my already injured finger.

haha.

and these injuries were caused by marilyn!

k lah.

marilyn ask me to add that she said sorry.

hee

n i noe not her fault lah.

then aft tt i fell again.

lauren step on my shoe!

hmmm..

was it her?

nvm.

one of them =)

thankfully i landed on my hand this time.

phew.

but the whole thing must be very funny coz jie qi and lingyi kip laughing n laughing.

n JIE QI!

she kip laughing at ppl's expression.

haha.

kae.

n tt's for trg today.

aft tt.

mr sham treated us to dinner.

so nice eh!

dinner,

as usual,

was NOISY.

eh, but i shant say is coz of who.

ling yi, marilyn n jie qi keep asking me qns which i cant answer!

>.<

im neutral!

n we seem to hv a NEW CAPTAIN.

-taa daa-

MARILYN!

hmmm.

im not teaming up with them.

just reporting the truth.

aftall,

i speak the truth =)

okay.

tt's all.

im quite tired today.

signing off.

urs truly.

well.

you said.

forget about that alright.

u think i can?

the sense of insecurity still haunting me.

merry xmas!

2007-12-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

HOHOHO!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

today's christmas.

didnt really stay up last night.

haha.

those who msg-ed me to say merry xmas will noe.

coz i didnt reply until i woke up this morning.

apologies.

but im slpyhead!

hee.

my trademark is no matter wad,

slp more impt.

lol.

so, today.

was just a normal day.

like a sunday.

or a public holiday.

either lah.

went out for a while in the aftn for lunch.

my g.aunt wanted to get me something but i was kind of sian coz i couldnt find anything i want.

grrr.

actually i oso dunno wad i wan.

nvm...

im contented with everything i hv,

for now.

hee.

yk was at some family gathering.

so u could say i was disturbing him.

haha.

but he quite nice lah.

nv completely ignore me coz he knew i was rotting at home.

wahaha.

thank you fren.

anw anw anw.

i gt nothing to do.

i only did a gp article today.

i wanted to do chem tutorial but im stuck at qn 6.

n i briefly looked thru the rest n i like duno how to do.

I GIVE UP ON CHEM le lah!!!

oh yah.

ytd.

i forgot to add tt jieqi oso gave us this hand made bball thing.

haha.

wad's it called arh?

but anw,

not my fault tt i forgot!

coz hor...

she made us keep in our wallet.

so i forgot to take pic of it.

heex.

n well...

this is from mom!
my xmas gift...
thanks!!!

yay!
thanks lingyi for the chipmunks songs!
thanks marilyn for letting me kope her songs ytd too!
heex.
and very nice of jieqi to rmb my injured finger =)

kae.
today's post.
kind of boring i noe.
happy xmas den!

2007-12-24T19:55:00.000+08:00

well well.
today's christmas eve!
whooo!
it would hv been quite a sad and lonely one without my fellow bballers!
one without you.
one without presents.
one without frens.
so im lucky to hv frens like u ppl! =D

had trg in the morning.
den we went for lunch at curry wok.
den to novena coz adeline wanted to buy bag.
hmmm.
but no suitable ones there.
so we went town.
walked quite a lot.
haha.
but it was fun lah.
afterall,
i dont really get to go out wif them very often...
anw,
took quite a LONG time to go home.
coz couldnt decide on how to go.
n marilyn n jieqi kept insisting tt they wan to sit at the mrt station longer.
but stil managed to reach home in time.
had pizza for dinner =)
n that's...
my XMAS eve!

some pics of the presents...
haha.
gt nothing better to do.
but im guilty i didnt get u guys anything...
ehh...
the stuff from korea count a not?
hehe.
k lah!
i'll make it up to u some day.
haha.
so wait patiently for tt day kae!

presents from my fellow bballers!

before they were unwrapped.

and after they were strippped.

hahaha.
from marilyn, jieqi and lingyi!

these are from MARILYN!

haha.

thanks for so much tissue!

actually i hvnt seen this design before...

so it's special =)

and the characters are cute!
thanks for the handmade letter "V" and the bball!

this box of cookies is from LINGYI!

hehe.

minnie!!!

these are from JIEQI!!
mickey and minnie!!!!
cookies and choco!
hahaha.
so sweet.

2007-12-23T18:28:00.001+08:00

it's kind of surprising to know im updating more often now.

well, actually, it's VERY often.

haha.

okay.

i noe, it's just these few days.

well,

maybe im too free?

maybe not.

or maybe it's just i cant hide things inside me anymore?

i wanna SCREAM!

ehh.

nothing much to blog about.

it's xmas eve tml.

but no special programme.

just a family dinner.

kind of looking forward to tml.

but now im not.

kind of pissed with myself for those empty hopes.

leading to disappointment.

but well,

i asked for it, didnt i?

now it's just so so so difficult to communicate.

i lie in bed.

stared at the ceiling.

thought of everything that has happened.

wanted to cry NOOOOOOO!

this cant be happening.

but no,

this is not a dream.

urgh.

i've been typing so much but the inspiration's still not here.

so im not typing anymore.

those phrases i want are just not coming to me.

i dont know if u noe wad i wan....

2007-12-22T18:58:00.000+08:00

"we'll endure everything tgt"
and now u say.
i want to believe you.
yes, i really do.
but how can you expect me to.
when i trusted u to keep ur promises,
u broke my heart.
u sent me to tears with what u said.
hv u considered how i felt whn i heard.
did u noe i wanted to just break down then?
i was all alone.
left wif nothing.
nothing at all.
nothing to hold onto,
nothing to rely on.
you left me after a last sentence.
you left me hanging.
cried.
cried.
cried.
i couldnt.
but i wanted to.
confused.
lost.
tormented.
i asked myself why.
why hv u left,
despite the promises we made.
despite the times we spent.
why were u so heartless and cruel.
despite knowing how i'll feel.
i tried to tell myself this was just a dream.
one which i would eventually wake up from.
and that u wouldnt hv done this to me.
but no.
the fact is that this is reality.
i want not to face it.
i dont noe how to.
i dont want to.
i only want one thing.
and that is still,
YOU.
no matter wad.
regardless of what has happened.

i know.
everything i've typed;
seems to be,
a contradiction.

the sense of insecurity

i really love you.

hurt. but i wont give up.

i noe u're torn between two and it's wearing u out.